The Future of Football Starts Today

Nine years can be a lifetime.

Who Goes AI?

Aham for the Mild-Built

Also: scientists put 792 ants in a particle accelerator. Should we be worried?

Dick Hebdige Explained Dinergoth in 1979

This week in last week.

Sokath, His Eyes Uncovered

Does any of this matter at all? No!

Purity Supreme

Back with another one of those hump-plumping injectables.

They Don't Care

You're either with us or you're against us.

The Lowbrow Harper's

Welcome to my Ellie Award-nominated magazine.

A.I. Isn't People

How many Reddit posts does it take to learn to read?

The Assassination of The Washington Post by the Coward Jeff Bezos

New crotch-related ski jumping scandal dropped.

Masks Off

"Goid dea."

Welcome to the Resistance, Driving Range Guys

Tim Apple and Sam Altman absolutely gagging on boot.

Twenty Twenty Frixx

An acute case of No Gay Friends.

Whatever You Think It Is, It’s Worse

Evil, but also ridiculous.

Thank God It's Whiskey Friday With Tony Dokoupil

TGIWFWTD, amirite?

All Gas Town, No Brakes Town

You sling beads to a hook which activates a polecat according to GUPP.

Maduro In Custody. His Blue Hoodie In Your Cart?

Welcome to the eleventh consecutive year of 2016 🎉

The Weiss-Epstein Program For Success

America's rich men are idiots.

A Quick One Before The Eternal Worm Devours Tabs

Congratulations to TIME Magazine's Person of the Year: The Eternal Worm

Notes From The Slump

Get well soon, everyone

Let's See What's Going On Down At The Piss Factory

Our "we're not Enron" memo is raising many questions which are already answered by our memo.

ZZ Flop

Hey guys! Guess who's in the Epsteiiiin fileeees!

No One Trusts The New York Times

Is this a problem?

Five Funerals

"PornosexualGooner101 Died 35 Years Ago...This Very Night!"

I Don't Want You To Get Mad

All hail the latest recipient of the kingmakers' largesse.