It’s a beautiful summer Friday and I hate to gyre-post at you on a day like this (again, again) but unfortunately the best ain’t exactly gaining all conviction, while the worst are going absolutely buck wild with passionate intensity.
Media buyer of second-to-last resort Jay Penske proved once again that if you wait by the river long enough, the bodies of all the distressed websites will eventually float by. Penske will take over what remains of Vox Media after James Murdoch carved off Vox, New York magazine, and the podcasts, “including Eater, The Verge, SB Nation, Popsugar, The Dodo, Punch, Thrillist, Vox Studios and Vox Creative” reported JD Knapp in The Wrap. Penske Media’s strict return to office policy conveniently thinned the bench of political reporters at Rolling Stone last year, according to Oliver Darcy, and there’s no reason to think it won’t apply to our favorite writers at The Verge too. R.I.P. 2010s digital media. If you don’t know much about Jay Penske and you’re not fine with that, this is a good time to revisit Katherine Rosman’s 2022 New York Times profile “You Don’t Know Much About Jay Penske. And He’s Fine With That.” Highlights include his feud with Deadline founder Nikki Finke who…
…left Deadline after Mr. Penske’s purchase of Variety amid reports that she preferred that he remain focused on Deadline, rather than attempt to revive a competitor. She started a new blog and used it to refer to him as “Little Lord Fauntleroy.”
Also there was the time in 2012…
…when he got arrested in Nantucket. According to a Nantucket Police Department report, Mr. Penske and his brother Mark were urinating in a parking lot outside the Nantucket Yacht Club late at night when a woman approached. “Jay turned and continued to urinate on her boots,” the report said. After the woman alerted the police, the brothers apparently tried “to flee.”
Also Today in Leaks: maia arson crimew revealed the members of Peter Thiel’s Epstein social club “Dialog.” Wired’s Dell Cameron, Dhruv Mehrotra, and Yulia Almazova followed up on that list and subsequent leaks from a misconfigured Airtable that reveal how the organization ranks and judges its cadre of dead-eyed moneymen and the reticent media execs, red carpet lizards, and sweaty government functionaries who hope that a little deniable frottage behind closed doors will rub some of that cash off on them.
Dialog assigns people grades before they join. Of the 192 dossiers examined by WIRED, 130 are tagged as members. The rest are prospects with files bearing markings like “First Time Dialoger” or “Warm.” Everyone—members and prospective invitees alike—is assigned a grade of A, B, or C. The “C” grade appears reserved for the most famous and influential; only one in seven received it. Most people—141 of 192—received a “B.” The final tier, “A,” appears primarily assigned to older, established members whom the graders consider less notable.
…Leaked staff notes attached to around 50 dossiers provide additional insight into what the group’s scores and grades measure. Wealth is one of the most common justifications found in the data, with one investor summed up by the money he oversees—$30 billion in assets under management—while another is marked down with a two-word verdict: “Small AUM.” Fame is a close second. In one note, a staffer assigned a member a grade “so she doesn't get seated with grade Cs” indicating that they wanted to avoid this member sitting with VIP attendees.
This story is dedicated to everyone who thought The Christmas Adventurers Club was “a little much.”
Not Today, Satan
Today in Media: Who is Maggie Rogers’ New York Times vintage car fuckboy? Delia and I both heard the same rumor about the travel section, but no confirmation yet. Jelly Roll divorces Bunnie XO after nearly 10 years of marriage. I can’t believe it. A Good Day to Fork Hard: Kevin Roose is leaving the New York Times to be Casey Newton’s full-time podcasting sidekick, so I guess now they’re both marrying Claude. Andy Baio reported on The Wholesale Plagiarism of Obscure Sorrows. It used to be common understanding that you can’t simply republish someone else’s entire book as a promotional website for your marketing agency. I wonder what changed.
Today in Tech: Nicolas Seriot, “Jira is Turing-Complete.” I said not today, Satan. Quake implemented in CSS. (How?) “I wasn’t expecting the AI waifu generator company to pivot to, uh… full body medical imaging?” This is a real photograph of the Markley data center in Lowell, Massachusetts, from CBS Boston:

Camazotz-ass world. (via CBS Boston)
Snap released its long awaited PDF Goggles Lite™ to widespread derision and immediate stock price decline. Can you imagine working for more than ten years and this is your product launch? Also they cost $2,200. Lmao.
Tokenmaxxing is out, the new hotness is tokenminning. Or whatever this is:
Marc Benioff, the chief executive of Salesforce, the enterprise software company, said his company planned to spend hundreds of millions on A.I. this year but now tracked “agentic work units” instead of tokens.
This standard might not last long either, as each “awoo” reportedly costs Salesforce $350.
Today in Ominous Descriptions: “A terrifying indestructible fortress of violence and syrup.” “New Type of Maggots Cleared by FDA.” “‘Crazy Cousins’ packs an astounding 186 grams of sugar in one 32-ounce cup.” On Tuesday David Roth dropped this incredible descriptive passage:
Dumb old bullies all grandiose and soft from golf and infidelity; illiterate real-estate types with detailed opinions on The Differences Between The Races; the luridly unemployable adult children of car-dealership guys; anhedonic beneficiaries of a good investment or two who have, through sheer restless indolence and various dull biases, backed into some truly berserk and totally bespoke authoritarian worldviews. Aging phone addicts who think the country "needs a pharaoh." Ruddy tax evaders who fear cities and are insecure about their boats.
And Scaachi Koul on Jack Schlossberg: “you know what? Sure. Why not. Let him win. It’s Congress. How much can he even do?”
Start Your Weekend with Some Interviews:
Jack Gross and Herman Mark Schwartz in Phenomenal World, “Empire Suicide Watch.”
Empires typically do not collapse because of external aggression. They collapse because of some form of suicide. Going back to the discussion of elites, Trump is an extreme example of a cadre beginning to think about its own personal wealth at the expense of the big picture. But to what extent is the effort to create an inflection point purely a product of Trump? These efforts clearly predate him, as do the contradictions that led to his electoral victory. Trump did not cause the inflection point, but his actions will direct its outcomes.
Cristina Politano and M. John Harrison in Minor Literatures: “[W]hat you do with a disaster is to get used to it…”
Is this the end of everything? What is the end of everything? What’s a disaster, for instance? Since the 1950s, in the aftermath of WW2, we’ve thought of catastrophe as bounded: disaster as a single event which plays through and has a beginning and an end. Essentially, as an invitation to repair the damage and go back to the ground state. I suddenly thought to myself, “This is not how disasters actually happen.” We’re in the middle of two or three now. They’re running concurrently, and they will probably never end. It seems to me that in reality what you do with a disaster is to get used to it.
And a Chotining to remember: The Israeli Ultra-Hawks Who Feel Betrayed by Trump’s Iran Deal. Pardon the long excerpt but I think it justifies itself:
Putting aside the merits of this war, do you think people such as yourself and the Prime Minister misjudged Donald Trump? I know you said a joyful prayer on the air when he was elected in 2024. You must have had some sense of who this guy is—that he isn’t loyal to anyone, that he had no real core values—
Listen, I was really happy when he was elected. I admit it. I think it was good for Israel. And, in the beginning, it was. But today I don’t know what to think. I am really in shock.
It’s hard to fathom.
I don’t have a lot of moments like this. I don’t remember someone in modern history who would go with you and do wonderful things, and then suddenly disappear and go against you. So now I am the bad guy? I supported you! I was the good guy! How did I become the bad guy, and the Ayatollah is the good guy?
This is why I was wondering whether you had ever observed Donald Trump.
I don’t know what motivated him. You know he is a Gemini? Geminis are not really ones to say the same things a lot. They change their minds. You know Geminis?
Yeah, I’m a Gemini, so don’t be too mean.
I’m a Gemini, too. But not like this.
Also Today in #Longreads: Henry Wismayer in Noema: The Mars Delusion. Humanity will never “colonize” Mars. We might visit, someday, but it won’t be for any good reason and we’re not going to stay.
And Finally: “A drug raid, a kidnapping and an armed burglary” at a Wellington, New Zealand, castle that was also a “luxury dog retreat.” What the Hell Happened at Woofington’s?
Paywall June Rolls On
I forgot to paywall this until the very end today so the only thing paywalled is the song and the signoff. There's some good goss and personal lore in the signoff though! I know you've been thinking about it all month, so let's make it official.
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