One of the core principles of the Democratic Socialists of America is that housing is a human right. But, reports Jeremy Peters in the New York Times, the co-chair of the New York City DSA, Gustavo Gordillo, lives in a house himself. Is this hypocrisy? Peters isn’t sure. Actually he lost the whole H volume of his dictionary so if you know the meaning of any word between “haplotype” and “iota” that would be super helpful. Or maybe not? It depends on what “helpful” means, which Jeremy Peters also doesn’t know.
This is a sign that DSA is gaining actual power… DSA should take these newfound, accelerating attacks as a compliment. They are real live players now.
Yes… ha ha ha… YES!
…And knowing that this is the case, they need to get a clear hold in their own minds of what they actually believe, and how to communicate it.
Ah, well. Nevertheless.
Today in other New York Times thumbsuckers, Shawn McCreesh managed to fit his whole fist in his mouth for Trump’s Summer of Fun Ends With IndyCar Race on Streets of D.C.:
Interior Secretary Doug Burgum shouted, “Gentlemen, start your engines!” Mr. Trump waved a large green flag up and down while his wife smiled and clapped. The Qatari jumbo jet that he now uses as Air Force One flew low overhead.
Twenty-five racecars screamed around a 1.7-mile track that wended between white marble monuments and Smithsonian museums along Pennsylvania Avenue, cut across the National Mall and passed before the Capitol.
Cars go vroom! Trump smile and fun! Wife clap! Big jet plane wow! I don’t think I’ve ever seen a Times article filed in crayon before.
What else happened in media? “A private arbitrator has ordered The Washington Post to rehire the opinion columnist Karen Attiah,” reports Benjamin Mullin. I guess we’re just reading the Times together today, sorry. Attiah was fired from Washington Post Opinion for posting that she didn‘t care that Charlie Kirk had been killed slightly before overwhelming public opinion established that no one cared that Charlie Kirk had been killed and that many people thought it was funny, actually. The decision also requires the Post to pay Attiah for the time she was wrongfully unemployed. I imagine she’ll have her pick of desks.
Also Ross Barkan got fired from New York Magazine for plagiarism and (maybe) lost his book deal. Apparently Barkan wrote between 9 and 27 columns a week for New York Magazine—a level of productivity that suddenly seems a lot more explicable. But I searched the comprehensive Tabs electronic archive (aka Google) and I can only find two times that his name appeared in this newsletter. Once in 2021 with a profile of Matt Taibbi, and then last May when Drew Harwell originally complained of ganked reporting, which eventually led to all this. So what was even the point?
Boy it’s depressing to look back at a post from 2021 and remember when the media still existed. Instead let’s turn to the U.K., where Sarah Hooper of the Metro reports that “Biggar Penis Woods get the chop after getting blown too much.” Ol’ knifey, always good for a larf, mate. Also good for a larf is Scott Bessent’s barely literate editorial in Financial Times threatening to sanction anyone who even thinks the word “Iran” by accident:
President Donald Trump and the overwhelming might of our military have significantly dismantled Iran’s military capabilities and weakened its nuclear programme. Now we are entering the endgame. At dawn begins an economic D-Day — the single greatest financial offensive ever marshalled against an adversary.
Yeah, absolutely man. This is for sure a thing the United States has both the will and the capacity to do here in the consensus real world. I can’t wait till Shawn McCreesh and his Crayola 64-count get in there and report on how the total economic blockade of Iran and the rest of the oil-using world is going. I bet these new sanctions get started right after the post-midterms Canadian auto tariffs kick in.
Today in Important Questions: Would you still love me if I was a worm brain controlling a fly body? What if I was Instagzam’s new logo? What if I was a Chinese robot that beat Usain Bolt’s sprint record and then hit a wall and fell down and caught fire (which I would)? Would you love me if I was Natalie Harp’s eyeliner? If I invented the Spaghett? And most importantly, would you still love me if you found out I ran an OnlyFans for marmot research? If you would, then let’s kiss at the Narragansett, Rhode Island Squidpocalypse.
Today’s Song: Did you know Petey has a new album? Genuine question, I can’t remember if I mentioned it yet or not. Anyway he does. Here’s “I will do the opposite.”
Tabs was off last week because I didn’t feel good and also everything that happened was very boring. August is always like this. Awkwardly, timing-wise, Tabs will also be off from September 2nd to the 19th for a long-scheduled (and long, scheduled) visit to the Canadian Maritimes. There will be many ferries involved. But you will hear from me two more times before then! Heed well thy lessons, Ebenezer. When the bell tolls one…
If you’ve missed me, or plan to, perhaps that’s a sign you should be a paying subscriber? I mean honestly no promises, I’ve always had a hard time being super motivated by money, but it can’t hurt right? Also paying subscribers get an invite to the Tabs Discord, which is basically Tabs on tap 24/7.
