At long last, we have created Taser Chess from the classic sci-fi novel Don't Create Taser Chess. Fletcher Heisler actually did this a year ago but it’s going around on the blogs again for some reason. More recently Heisler taught his fish to drive. Whatever else it may be, YouTube is history’s most successful silliness engine.
In other shocking news:1 Today in Tabs, the lowbrow Harper’s, is a finalist in this year’s National Magazine Awards! Here’s a live shot of me hearing the news:
I’m very excited about this, and not just because the entry fee was $500. Grizzled veteran Tabs is up against newcomers like Jason Leopold’s FOIA Files at Bloomberg, A Closer Read, the books newsletter at Harper’s Bazaar (the middlebrow Harper’s), New York Magazine’s shopping Substack Secret Strategist, and Rachel Baker and Maggie Bullock’s The Spread. If you’re new here, or not, go back and check out the three posts I submitted from last year: Hot Whales In Your Area, Billionaires Destroyed American News Media On Purpose, and ZZ Flop. I think the last one might make me the only ASME nominee with a Nuzzi related entry. Also I am so #blessed to be nominated the same year as the gooning story from Harper’s Magazine (the highbrow Harper’s). It's a strong field, and I’m not just saying that because I expect to lose, although I do. But since all newsletterers are my colleagues, if any of us win, in a very real but not literal sense I also win, figuratively. If I do lose, I promise I will solemnly fold up and eat my prepared speech.
Today in Brand New Sentences: Macklin Celebrini’s elevated cupcake experience. MrBeast editor caught insider trading on Kalshi (allegedly). The Hallow app paid West Village girlies to promote The Brothers Karamazov for Lent (якобы). Its called the Swizzlegang 22000 (ornjang). “See more on N*****s.” Black History Month is proceeding as usual, I see. “The latest skincare fad is rubbing salmon sperm on your face.” Skeleton: Dan Barefoot. The Boston Legacy Football Club tattoo glory hole. Can you believe they’re threatening to give me an award for this.
Want to feel old? It’s been 12 years since Kevin tried to set a Google calendar event for “12 Years a Slave.” Free at last.
Also Free At Last: Larry Summers finally resigned from Harvard. It would have happened sooner but he reportedly couldn’t find a rock that would allow him to crawl under it.
Today in Courtesans: It was a big week in brothel news. First Esquire published “My Life as a Sex Worker at a Nevada Brothel” by Paloma Karr, a pseudonymous Iranian-born bisexual New York novelist in her mid-forties with distinctive tattoos. I hope we find out who it really was someday. Then in a more substantive piece for The Nation, Kim Kelly covered the formation of the United Brothel Workers (“Bust Nuts, Not Unions!”) under CWA Local 9413, and their fight to get a fair contract from Sheri’s Ranch. Paloma Karr was one of the workers illegally fired for unionizing so it’s kind of wild that the Esquire piece doesn’t even mention it?
Today in AI Externalities: Jake Harris doesn’t want to vibe code. You can’t make Dave Karpf vibe code. You can't make John Warner vibe write either. AI is literally making Greg Knauss depressed, and it should be ashamed of itself. An AI agent generated and posted a hit piece accusing Scott Shambaugh of anti-AI “discrimination.” Thomas Germain tricked ChatGPT and Google’s AI with the incredibly devious tactic of posting a web page with falsehoods in it. You really think someone would do that? Just go on the internet and tell lies? A “Claude vibe-coded smart contract cost DeFi protocol $1.8M in losses.” It’s a start! 404’s Emanuel Maiberg reported that “Meta Director of AI Safety Allows AI Agent to Accidentally Delete Her Inbox.” It’s a start! Writers are seeing a flood of new scams, and scams are getting more sophisticated and convincing because AI makes it easy to generate legitimate-looking emails and websites. Also legitimate-looking public comment emails: Hayley Smith reported that the “Southern California air board rejected pollution rules" after receiving 20,000 AI generated comment emails opposing them.
Public records requests reviewed by The Times and corroborated by staff members at the South Coast Air Quality Management District confirm that more than 20,000 public comments submitted in opposition to last year's proposal were generated by a Washington, D.C.-based company called CiviClick, which bills itself as "the first and best AI-powered grassroots advocacy platform."
Of all the things that should be illegal, this is one. And the latest company to sound the alarm about AI-powered theft is AI company Anthropic (ethics disclosure: Casey and his beau are engaged! Can you believe it? Congrats fellas!), which sent a letter to the US House Select Committee on Strategic Competition between the United States and the Chinese Communist Party (a real thing, apparently) warning the USHSCSCBUSCCP that Chinese company DeepSeek is trying to swipe what Anthropic already stole fair and square. This aggression will not stand, man. And for all this society-wide extra hassle, AI contributed "basically zero” growth to the US economy last year according to analysts at Goldman Sachs. Don’t worry, where we’re going we won’t need economic growth.
Finally: Mike Somes is The Last Idiot Who Earnestly Believes in the American Experiment.
The small town I grew up in contributed to this incredible deadpan bit by holding annual ceremonies where special honors were conferred on those who’d died for the ideas that, apparently with a knowing wink and nudge, we were claiming to hold dear. My parents and I sat quietly, clutching American flags in the May heat while the funniest people in town fired blank rounds in the air or read speeches. These rituals climaxed with two trumpeters playing an echoing rendition of “Taps”. Nobody laughed once.
Lol, got ‘em. 😞
Today’s Song: Mazzy Star, “She Hangs Brightly”
I’m still in my Mazzy Star era. (Previously.) “Interviewing Mazzy Star is like throwing stones down a deep well and waiting for the faint splash.” The perfect band, tbh.
There’s no such thing as a leader without any followers, and they don’t give awards to newsletters without any subscribers. Unlike Mazzy Star, I wouldn’t do this if no one ever read it, so thank you for reading! You make it worth learning about the Boston Legacy Football Club tattoo glory hole every week.
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1 Segues are my passion.
