- Today in Tabs
- Why Is Nick Bilton So Obsessed With Doggles
Why Is Nick Bilton So Obsessed With Doggles
CUERPOS NO HUMANOS. Ma-ma-se, ma-ma-sa, ma-ma-ko-ssa.
There are apparently wee little alien corpses in Mexico that look like outsider art from a prison papier-mâché workshop, which 404’s Jason Koebler reports is basically what they are, and I’m starting with that because it’s the most normal thing in the tabs today. It only gets worse from here.
Escaped killer crab Danelo Cavalcante was “Subdued by Dog in Thick Underbrush.” The Times simply cannot stop writing evocative phrases about this guy. Lauren Boebert got kicked out of “Beetlejuice” in Denver for getting too rowdy with her vape pen. USA Today and The Tennessean are hiring a Taylor Swift correspondent and a Beyoncé correspondent. And people say there are no journalism jobs anymore! The “if Millennials want to afford a house they should stop buying avocado toast” millionaire dropped a new banger: “we need to see unemployment rise 40-50%” to remind workers that they’re disposable. This guy definitely has a portrait of himself hidden away in his attic and every time he says something evil in public, its forehead gets more normal-looking. And God personally revealed His displeasure with America to Rod Dreher on 9/11/2002 by lightly vandalizing an acquaintance’s historical flag when no one was looking, a normal and obvious way for the omniscient and omnipotent Creator of all things to signal the loss of His Holy favor to an entire nation. I imagine He’s peeved that it took Rod twenty one years to mention it to the rest of us.
What do all these stories have in common? Nothing, I am just desperately trying to delay telling you about the worst tab I have ever read: today’s AI story from tech journalism’s most credulous boob, Nick Bilton.
For Vanity Fair, Nick talked to everyone in tech who has an intense personal and financial interest in convincing him that AI is the most important thing that humans have ever created, and came away believing that AI is the most important thing that humans have ever created. I don’t even know how to excerpt this for you, because every sentence is somehow the worst sentence. It’s fractally terrible. This is just the opening paragraph:
If you look closely, you can see his editor give up at “e = mc2 [sic],” and indeed no further sign of editing appears in the rest of the piece. Here’s another paragraph that I swear was published exactly like this:
Ellipses… italics, and CAPITALIZATION all extremely [sic]. We also learn that Larry Page’s hand is “soft as a bar of soap,” and he has a voice ”like a campfire that is trying to tell you something.” Edward Bulwer-Lytton just sent me a telegram from hell that says: “WOW THIS GUY SUCKS AT WRITING STOP.”
Bilton appears to believe that “an AI” is a literal, physical machine, capable of manipulating matter and possibly the laws of physics:
I’m having a stroke. Je téléphone a la police. In conclusion, according to Nick:
Back in the real world, the QUESTION CIRCULATING is whether AI is capable of anything more impressive than copying movie summaries verbatim out of IMDb.
Meanwhile, In The Ball-Jointed Doll Community:
In a Rolling Stone excerpt from her upcoming book “Extremely Online,” Taylor Lorenz attempts to rehabilitate Julia Allison by describing her as a pioneer of the now well-trodden career path of the social media influencer. I think this is probably right but also kind of a bad thing to have been? It’s like being the person who invented playing music on your phone out loud just wherever you are, in line at the coffee shop or whatever. A trailblazer (derogatory).
And Sean Penn wants to talk about Ukraine but can’t stop making creepy daughter-fucking metaphors in Variety. He also shows feet. Rich people wyd.
In The Guardian Kate Lindsay argued that TikTok won the social media wars and destroyed social media in the process. It’s a good post. That’s it, I need to go lie down for the rest of my life.