Updates and Corrections

F/u means "follow-up" apparently. My apologies for any past misunderstanding.

It’s Gentleman’s Friday, so let’s circle back and touch base to double-click on some outstanding action items before we’re all out of pocket for the holiday weekend:

Jess Zimmerman figured out what a ”flush ponytail” is.

Post by Jess Zimmerman: “By the way a few people have said “what’s a flush ponytail” and that’s how I know you never taught freshman writing. A flush ponytail is a full ponytail described by someone with terminal thesaurus abuse”

So she either meant “a thick ponytail,” or “a wealthy ponytail,” deserving a wealthy husband to match. No editor will allow a phrase like this to be published unless they hate you. If you’re still in the mood for age gap essay discourse, the Tabs subscriber discord is still talking about it, and B. D. McClay wrote a good post about it as well.

Christie believes that that youthfulness is some kind of “superpower.” It is not. A young woman, in the way she describes, is intramale currency. If you are clever and cynical, you can get into a situation in which you’re used as currency and get out with some money and some good stories. But it’s not power. If it was power, it would not constantly depreciate.

[monkey’s paw twitches…]

Dealbook headline: “Life Magazine Will Come Back to, Well, Life. The investor Josh Kushner and his wife, Karlie Kloss, have struck a deal with Barry Diller’s media company to revive it as a regular print title.”

Not like this.

Speaking of Dying: Joe Lieberman died yesterday, far too late to do any good. He was predeceased by millions of Americans that he ensured couldn’t afford health care, and hundreds of thousands of Iraqis who died for a lie that he promoted. His vanity political party No Principles is expected to nominate his corpse for the 2024 Presidential election, making him the youngest and liveliest major candidate. His legacy stands as a warning that you can be vaguely liberal your whole life, but when you die you’ll be remembered by who you chose to help or to abandon, the few times it really mattered.

Also Reportedly Dying: Substack.

Swolecialism posted an epic handshake meme were the arms are labeled “GBBO” and “Dune” and the handshake is “Paul is surrounded by spice and doesn’t know how he feels about it.”

Crypto fraudster and uwu smol bean Sam Bankman-Fried was sentenced to twenty five years in prison “for stealing $8 billion from customers of the now-bankrupt FTX,” despite being “into veganism.”

We Regret The Error: On Monday, I wrote “It takes at least three media execs to make a decision” as dumb as hiring Ronna McDaniel. This was technically correct because I said “at least three,” but it appears that in fact four media execs were required, and the three who took the blame didn’t appreciate MSNBC President Rashida Jones weaseling her way off the list. In The Washington Post Sarah Ellison and Josh Dawsey report that:

MSNBC President Rashida Jones participated in recruiting former Republican National Committee chair Ronna McDaniel earlier this month and McDaniel was offered a more lucrative contributor contract after she agreed to appear on MSNBC and not just NBC News, according to people familiar with the matter.

How many people familiar with the matter? I bet it was exactly three.

Do I Have to Have Seen Titanic 1 to Understand It? An Australian billionaire is planning Titanic II, “a full-size replica of a cruise ship that famously sank on its maiden voyage, killing more than 1,500 people aboard” writes Miles Klee. It will be “vaccine-free” but feature forced de-lousing for third class passengers, which seems like mixed messaging. They’ll probably hold CPAC 2026 on board.

The Three Stigmata of Palmer Luckey: Tabby Kinder profiled the flip-flop clad 32 year old arms dealer for FT in a clear-eyed and grim look at the past and present of Silicon Valley’s relationship with the American war machine.

When foreign leaders have, over the years, vowed to foster their own Silicon Valleys, they were not merely talking about consumer-facing tech companies like Twitter and Airbnb. What they really want to replicate is the American framework of government and private companies working in concert to maintain national economic and military dominance.

Government and private companies working in concert to achieve nationalist ends? I wonder if there’s another word for that. Palmer Luckey is basically Sam Bankman-Fried for bombs, and he’ll also end up in jail but not until it’s way too late.

 Adam Leventhal posted: “My oven clock just says “pizza” and no amount of button mashing or knob turning will change it to anything else. Easily the funniest way a clock can fail.” with a picture of an oven clock that does indeed just say “Pizza”

My goodness I can’t believe it’s already Pizza. I have to wrap it up for the week. Instead of a song of the day today, please consult the All Tabs playlist and choose your own favorite from the last three years. You can even pick two, I won’t mind.

And again if you ever told me you’d f/u later, I’m truly sorry for how I reacted to that. I didn’t know.

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