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- The Seven Gallons of Milk in the Pocket Challenge
The video opens on a vertical wide shot of an average looking rural American man, slightly hunched, in the awkward “I’m not sure what to do with my hands” posture of the infrequently filmed. Rumpled button up shirt, worn blue jeans, a mesh-back baseball cap with sunglasses perched on the brim. He stands on road gravel. In the medium distance are nondescript trees and brush. Behind him the tailgate of a pickup truck stands open, and on it are set what appears to be several full gallon jugs of milk.
This is when you realize that he’s been speaking the whole time you were absorbing the mise-en-scène, and what he’s been saying is: “What’s up guys, I was nominated by Luke Steves to do the seven gallons of milk in the pocket challenge.”
Before you can decode what that could possibly mean, he starts pouring milk into his pants.
Who is Luke Steves? We may never know. Did the cameraperson survive? Judging by their helpless wheezing laughter, I doubt it. Is this the start of a really stupid trend or just an incredible goof that happened once (well, twice) and will never happen again? That remains to be seen. But it’s Gentlemen’s Friday and this is the kind of energy I want to see from each and every one of you going into this late summer weekend.
The brand eating industry is doing their part. This week HEINZ and Smoothie King teamed up to create the ketchup smoothie. The Smetchup? The Ketchoothie? Whatever you want to call it, absolutely not. Through Sunday, OddFellows ice cream in New York will sell you breast milk flavored ice cream. Eater’s Nadia Chaudhury regrettably writes:
The “artificially flavored” ice cream is noted as not being made with actual human breast milk; rather, the listed ingredients include liposomal bovine colostrum, which is the milk female cows produce right after giving birth. The flavor is described as a “slightly sweet, faintly salty treat complete with hints of honey and a dash of colostrum.”
Mmm. Colostrum. And apparently catching the vibe, Daily Galaxy revived the story of a scientific study from back in 2016 promoting the purported benefits of cockroach milk. I didn’t even know they had teats.
Today in Sloppers: The version of the “Wizard of Oz” supposedly adapted by A.I. for the Las Vegas Sphere was, according to some Redditors, actually the work of uncredited human VFX artists. That reminds me of something. Dave Karpf with headline news straight from 2012 but it remains true: “Mark Zuckerberg is Out of Ideas.” Paul Ford on Karen Hao’s Empire of AI:
AI is… a technology that promises to bring order, perhaps “total” order in the form of AGI that rules over humans, or at least thousands of little assistants doing your tasks for you. But everything around it is incredibly messy, the absolute opposite of what the tech industry says it is like and what it stands for.
“Read Max” Read: Who is Elara Voss? “(You can only imagine the kinds of quackery Jung or Joseph Campbell would have gotten up to, given access to L.L.M.s).” And a new case study from The Slopper Lancet: “A Case of Bromism Influenced by Use of Artificial Intelligence:”
With improvement… [h]e also shared that, after reading about the negative effects that sodium chloride, or table salt, has on one's health, he was surprised that he could only find literature related to reducing sodium from one's diet. Inspired by his history of studying nutrition in college, he decided to conduct a personal experiment to eliminate chloride from his diet. For 3 months, he had replaced sodium chloride with sodium bromide obtained from the internet after consultation with ChatGPT, in which he had read that chloride can be swapped with bromide, though likely for other purposes, such as cleaning.
Today in Tabs: The dream of Kinja is alive at Vox Media. IGN: “Report Examines Claim Nintendo of America Once Suggested Pikachu Should Look Like 'A Kind of a Tabby Cat With Huge Breasts'.“ Kevin Nguyen watched Brazil again and reports that it holds up. I also rewatched it recently and I agree. Important David Roth dispatch on “The Alan Dershowitz Martha’s Vineyard Pierogi Situation,” which would also be a great name for a prog-rock band.
Here’s an incredible work of conceptual art by Chiricahua Apache sculptor Bob Haozous:
And Finally: Becca Schuh brings us the worst songs ever, for torture.
Today’s Song: Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, “Home”
Lol, lmao. Hey I have one more link today but don’t read it unless you want to be real mad. I’m sorry or good call, depending on whether you just clicked that or not.
Please help me afford the seven gallons of milk in the pocket challenge by becoming a paid subscriber. Maybe I’ll nominate you next.
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