The New England Review of Tabs, Vol. 1 No. 2

I kid yall tf not.

David Remnick, The New Yorker

9.5/10* Profile: I don’t care how basic this makes me, I’m gonna read a David Remnick profile of Salman Rushdie 100% of the times he feels like writing one. I read this one, and it is extremely good. Perhaps you haven’t kept up with Rushdie’s entire career, sixteen post-fatwa books, fifth marriage, or recent stabbing? This profile isn’t short but it’s as short as it could possibly be and still catch you up on everything Rushdie has been up to since his birth seventy five years ago.

Did [Rushdie] think it had been a mistake to let his guard down since moving to New York? “Well, I’m asking myself that question, and I don’t know the answer to it,” he said. “I did have more than twenty years of life. So, is that a mistake? Also, I wrote a lot of books. ‘The Satanic Verses’ was my fifth published book—my fourth published novel—and this is my twenty-first. So, three-quarters of my life as a writer has happened since the fatwa. In a way, you can’t regret your life.”

* 0.5 points deducted for The New Yorker’s infuriating paywall.

Lacey Rose and Katie Kilkenny, The Hollywood Reporter

10/10 Roast: Apparently Dan Harmon drafted superfluous creep Justin Roiland into the first season of ”Rick & Morty” as a security blanket and Roiland hasn’t contributed anything worthwhile to any project since then, which is why it was so easy for everyone to fire him when felony domestic violence charges drew out stories of sexual harassment from approximately every female co-worker and fan who ever encountered him.

…Roiland’s involvement on Rick and Morty has largely been relegated to voicing characters, for which he’d take no direction and record from his home. In fact, it has been years since anyone can remember him stepping foot in the show’s writers room… “He knew the power of being the voices,” says a source, noting how Roiland had revealed early on that he believed securing key voice roles would safeguard him from being fired one day.

Guess not! Lol.

Zoe Hu, Dissent

10/10 Feminist Posting Scholarship: What are the tradwives doing? Hu argues they’re “opting out” of feminism and capitalism approximately the same way SS officers’ wives “opted out” of antisemitism and Naziism.

It is an ironic development: in this way, the tradwife has proven herself not too different from the lesbian separatists of the second wave who she claims to detest. In disavowing feminism she actualizes one of its most infantile desires—reducing to a blessed minimum contact with men and the sexual threat (or promise) they pose. 

Instagram

Chris Shields, Screen Slate

10/01* Idea: Noé made a forwards cut of his famously reverse-chronological rape-revenge film “Irreversible” and probably no one but me cares about this but it’s a terrible idea. If you would like a boring lecture on why, catch me on the subscriber Discord, where I will try to explain it in reverse.

* This score is backwards. 

Dan McQuillan, danmcquillan.org

5/10 Polemic: “ChatGPT is, in technical terms, a 'bullshit generator',” writes McQuillan, and this is absolutely correct and well said, but it’s mostly downhill after this pull quote that everyone tweeted. He points out that ChatGPT doesn’t have access to sources, and it doesn’t reason well about things like math. Also true, but who really cares when what you need is a bullshit generator. Then he starts talking about predictive policing algorithms, which are a completely different thing, and other bad use cases for (let’s call it) AI, on the way to plugging his book. Very mid.

John Paul Brammer, ¡Hola Papi!

12/10 Blogging: Perfect blog post, delivers exactly what it promises.

“Snark” is snickering to itself and hoping you overhear so that you’ll ask it what’s funny and it can say, “nothing!” What a perfect, vile little word. I want to beat it with a hammer.

Fast (Food) Fashion

Jaya Saxena in Eater on Panera’s BAGuette sandwich purse:

A long, green purse in front of a person in a tan coat holding a sub sandwich

 vs. TikTok’s French Fry Purse Incident:

A still from the formally exquisite french fry purse TikTok, of a bartender’s hot pink manicured fingers spreading open a white handbag that is completely full of french fries. Incredibly, the beginning of the clip explains how this came to be. The caption reads: “I kid yall tf not.”
Toot by @gronk@mastodon.lol: “Me: gonna open this kitchen drawer. Potato masher: the fuck you will.”

New England Review of Reddit:

💀💀💀 / 10

Last night I (28m) managed to convince an attractive girl (25) to come home with me. It was the end result of a successful first date. Well, successful-ish. As soon as the two of us were naked in bed, she froze and asked if I lost a loved one recently…

Reddit comment by Heavy_E79: “Wow, that girl actually ghosted you.”

Today’s Song: Deftones, “Change (In The House of Flies)”

~ Apart from that, Mrs. Lincoln, how were the tabs? ~

Apparently turn of the century nü-metal / post-hardcore band Deftones are very hip with the kids now? I can’t believe they’re not a ska band. “Deftones” is the most 2-tone band name that ever skanked. If you know about things that are hip with the kids now, maybe you should apply to be a Tabs Intern next season?

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