- Today in Tabs
- Must We Forgive Those Who Have Tabbed Us?
Must We Forgive Those Who Have Tabbed Us?
Ethics-free in '23!
It’s March 14th: happy Star Wars Day! “March the 14th be with you,” in the famous words of Hans Solo. Mark Zuckerberg is about to march the 14th batch of one thousand newly-ex employees out of the Metaverse Corporation’s increasingly empty offices, along with the 15th through 21st thousand, while cancelling another five thousand job openings. Hey… how many people work for Meta? And if so, why? Microsoft also broke out Choppy the Jobs Axe and fired ten thousand people including, according to Platformer, “its entire ethics and society team within the artificial intelligence organization,” presumably to harmonize with industry trends in AI development where ethics were a luxury Big Tech could only afford when it thought there was no competition for its in-house AI girlfriends. But we’re ethics-free in ‘23, baby!
The Thanussy Is Inevitable
This eBay listing’s promise that the item is “unused” is raising questions that are not answered by the listing. Also Today in Dicks: Armenian dick brandy, “stop saying guac and balls,” and dicks out for 9/11. And now that we’re all warmed up to confront some real horrors, here’s this:
I appreciate that they illustrated it with a picture of me when I saw the post. Also today in Agnes Callard news, “dogged reporter in search of the truth” Willy Blackmore refused to stop digging (“i.e. sent one email”) until he discovered Agnes Callard’s grad student-wooing cookie recipe. It turns out it was “Baking With Julia’s” rugelach, which are… not a cookie? How did this get through fact-checking? He even got a picture of Callard’s personal recipe, with handwritten marginalia pertaining to which nuts and what quantities are best for scoring a wavy-haired Aristotelian:
Big Sarah Fischer #newsbiz scoop: Lifehacker, G/O Media, and Ziff Davis all still exist. Columbia grad students investigated the Matt Levine effect statistically, and found that “the Matt Levine effect on market volatility is real ... until you control for sunspots!”
Morning Brew’s Dan Toomey is back with Wtf happened with Silicon Valley Bank - Part 2:
Not content with burning down their own bank from the gondola at Aspen and then getting fully bailed out by the Fed, venture capital’s whiny piss babies are now having a four alarm meltdown because they found out that most people think they suck. Edward Ongweso Jr. wrote a well-supported and tightly argued case against the entire VC/startup system, and then expertly trolled its worst offenders into promoting it all over Twitter for him. Egg went straight for the Nazis, while Nate Fischer opted to compare this Slate post to “the Rwandan genocide” instead. And Flo Crivello called out “the media’s coordinated anti-tech campaign,” which is an amazing imaginary culprit for someone who makes cold-calling software to blame for people hating them.
Ok one more bank thing: Max Abelson dug into Signature Bank for Bloomberg and came back with this incredible monkey’s paw of a quote:
Finally: Teen Vogue has some of the first trickles of what is going to be a flood of family-vlogger babies who grew up furious that their childhood was monetized online.
Today’s Song: The White Stripes, “Ball and Biscuit”
You just lost the game.