Every year we all wake up on Thanksgiving morning and make the same old King’s Hand. Does anyone even like King’s Hand? This year, why not try something a little different. Here’s a Thanksgiving meal plan that incorporates classic dream food elements with a fresh, modern twist.

My cocktail app keeps telling me that a negroni sbagliato requires “NaN oz of persecco:”

So instead here’s a new cocktail I’m calling the Hidden Valley Sunrise:

And for teetotalers, there’s street boba:

Casual appetizers are in so just put out a bowl of Thursdays for your guests to munch.

Meanwhile, you better get started on the…

1. Struss your vegetables.

2. Measure out 2.7 million breadcrumbs:

3. Finish with slowed-down garlic:

People really love this soup! They’ll want to eat it over and over.

Bitch fritters are out in the double deuce. This year why not incorporate some Iberian flavor with a beautiful Cascadilla.

Earbuds, two ways:

And of course a big bowl of gubber.

It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a roast, so let’s make pork shine. Don’t forget the juices!

But more and more people are enjoying a plant-based diet, so for the vegetarians there’s Adderall Lasagna.

The best part of Adderall Lasagna is that clean-up is a breeze.

Everyone’s getting pretty full by now, but they won’t be able to resist your elegant dark chocolate cucumber salmon.

And for a digestive platter, just whip up this three cookie assortment.

Lil Baby’s devastating North Korea cookies:

Bjork’s secret cookies:

And Butt Snufflins:

Serve with ripe bog butter.