Thanksgiving Dream Dinner, 2022

"The pickles must fall as they may."

Every year we all wake up on Thanksgiving morning and make the same old King’s Hand. Does anyone even like King’s Hand? This year, why not try something a little different. Here’s a Thanksgiving meal plan that incorporates classic dream food elements with a fresh, modern twist.

Start with cocktails and a snack:

My cocktail app keeps telling me that a negroni sbagliato requires “NaN oz of persecco:”

So instead here’s a new cocktail I’m calling the Hidden Valley Sunrise:

And for teetotalers, there’s street boba:

Casual appetizers are in so just put out a bowl of Thursdays for your guests to munch.

Meanwhile, you better get started on the…


1. Struss your vegetables.

2. Measure out 2.7 million breadcrumbs:

3. Finish with slowed-down garlic:

People really love this soup! They’ll want to eat it over and over.


Bitch fritters are out in the double deuce. This year why not incorporate some Iberian flavor with a beautiful Cascadilla.

Earbuds, two ways:

And of course a big bowl of gubber.


Main Course:

It wouldn’t be Thanksgiving without a roast, so let’s make pork shine. Don’t forget the juices!

But more and more people are enjoying a plant-based diet, so for the vegetarians there’s Adderall Lasagna.

The best part of Adderall Lasagna is that clean-up is a breeze.


Everyone’s getting pretty full by now, but they won’t be able to resist your elegant dark chocolate cucumber salmon.

And for a digestive platter, just whip up this three cookie assortment.

Lil Baby’s devastating North Korea cookies:

Bjork’s secret cookies:

And Butt Snufflins:

Serve with ripe bog butter.

Happy Hanksgiving!

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