Woo Noooo

Damon Albarn gets his head checked, and Today in Apes.

It’s difficult to believe that in the year 2022 a man who got famous in 1997 for yelling “woo hoo” would be foolish enough to speak ill of Taylor Swift in a place anyone but a generous and forgiving God could hear him. And yet:

Damon Albarn, Blur singer and the original bored ape, gave an ill advised interview to the L.A. Times, whose social media team are not as dumb as he is, where he tried to justify his musical preferences with some self-contradicting nonsense about songwriting authenticity. Swift was Very Disappointed on main, at which Albarn, belatedly sensing danger, attempted to claim that his opinion “was reduced to clickbait,” forgetting that the words he said are still printed in the actual newspaper:

She may not be to your taste, but Taylor Swift is an excellent songwriter.

She doesn’t write her own songs.

Of course she does. Co-writes some of them

That doesn’t count. I know what co-writing is. Co-writing is very different to writing. I’m not hating on anybody, I’m just saying there’s a big difference between a songwriter and a songwriter who co-writes. Doesn’t mean that the outcome can’t be really great. And some of the greatest singers — I mean, Ella Fitzgerald never wrote a song in her life. When I sing, I have to close my eyes and just be in there. I suppose I’m a traditionalist in that sense. A really interesting songwriter is Billie Eilish and her brother. I’m more attracted to that than to Taylor Swift. It’s just darker — less endlessly upbeat. Way more minor and odd. I think she’s exceptional.

Somehow, the whole context makes it worse, and the L.A. Times have already gotten at least one follow-up story out of it. RIP Damon Albarn’s mentions, 1997-2022. For the last word we go live to Liam Gallagher:

This week is the anniversary of GameStonk, and Matt Levine thinks maybe the meme stonks are over. Ranjan Roy made a good case that Robinhood’s “democratization” of IPOs hasn’t worked out for the retail investor, which Levine explains is “kind of how it was supposed to work!“ Guardian games journalist Keza MacDonald writes “I’ve seen the metaverse – and I don’t want it.” It’s increasingly difficult to imagine who would. Video of a Tesla Cybertruck production model leaked and it “looks like you could… put your produce in it. It looks like a stainless steel refrigerator.” That sure is a big windshield wiper.

Also Today in Apes:

We used to have apes rustling jimmies, now we have Jimmy hustling apes:

But we may be at the beginning of a new crypto winter, so bigger fools have to be recruited from somewhere. If you’d like to know why you should absolutely not be participating in crypto, Dan Olson kindly took two hours to explain it.

Yes it’s long, but it’s comprehensible, well informed, and correct, so you can just watch this and then not waste any more time on crypto tabs that use the phrase “incredibly complex mathematical puzzles.” In the long run it’s more efficient.

SFist’s Joe Kukura reported that PG&E is about to finish five years of “criminal probation,” with a record of “30 wildfires, destroying 23,000 homes, and killing 113 Californians,” which in one of the most understated decks in history, “rais[es] questions about the effectiveness of corporate probation.” In the new Gawker’s first good story, Amelia Horgan reviewed Charlie Warzel and Anne Helen Petersen’s new book “Out Of Office.” She did not especially care for it. “The best $65 I ever spent: A BDSM whip” is today’s nude M&M. Emily Baker-White reports that even prayer apps are spying on you, so I guess Damon Albarn should just keep his thoughts inside his own head. Trei Brundrett is leaving Vox Media. The battle for Eastern Ukraine is already heating up on shortwave radio. And Our Regrettable Platform, in its speed-run of all the media platform mistakes from the last two decades, is pivoting to video.

Today’s Song: Jambinai, “They Keep Silence”

~ for every complex problem there is a tab that is clear, simple, and wrong ~

Tight tabs today. Thick. Solid. Keep us all posted on your continued progress with any new progress pics or vid clips. Show us what you got man. Wanna see how freakin' huge, solid, thick and tight you can get. Thanks for the motivation.

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