What H A P P E N E D To That Boat

Awake, my St. John!

NEWS FLASH—DATELINE NEW YORK—Titanic Not Lost, Allege Titanic Truthers of TikTok. But where is it? Misplaced? Inexcusably behind schedule? Disappeared in some kind of illusory David Copperfield situation? The magician, not the bildungsroman, although Roman buildings are still reappearing after two thousand years so hope, noted Pope, springs eternal. Investigation is ongoing, but one investigative submersible has also disappeared, or “not disappeared” if you want those TikTok views. Perhaps its internet just went down.

SaraKateW’s immortal “what happened to the plane” tweet except “plane” is scribbled out and replaced with “boat.”

What was the deal with the horny bowling dream sequence in The Big Lebowski? Colin Dickey has the answer, indirectly, in a three part series for HiLoBrow about “The Mystery Cave” in Betty Boop’s “Snow White” and “Twin Peaks.”

[The Mystery Cave] is a recurring feature in many films: a set piece that appears in the film that almost always appears, on some level, as an interruption in the flow of the narrative, in which an excessive libidinal energy is given free rein. This is often sexual in nature, or at least suggestive of it—the volleyball sequence in Top Gun, for example—but it need not be explicitly sexual in nature…. it offers a sudden and explosive libidinal energy to break through the structure of the narrative.

Part two is about the erotic life of objects, and part three uses Poe’s concept of “unity of effect” and the difference between the pornographic and the erotic to explain why Twin Peaks infuriated studio execs and most viewers and only lasted two seasons.

Also Today in Extremely My Kind of Thing: Peter Richardson, “Vibe Shift.”

I and all my northern european ancestors, who would not offer you food, apologize in advance for the shocking self-absorption, but I’ll be writing autobiographically. If it helps, it’s going to include making mistakes and robot battles, and I imagine it’s going to go off the

//rails pretty quickly.

It seems pretentious and baffling but give him a minute, it pays off.

Tweet by @grandeures: “hanging out with your girl and we're laughing at the lack of thematic consistency in your spotify playlists”

Intern Mariam introduced her draft to me today with the following preamble: “Writing this up I realized I've covered dumbass Twitter right-wing stuff more than anything else so far bc it's the platform I spend the most time on and also the platform right-wingers spend the most time on (which, duh, because Musk) but anyway all of this is to say if it's too much lately / too bigoted / too niche / too whatever, plz let me know.” I’m pretty content neutral personally, but if you have opinions on that plz let us know.

Today in Cringe

Elon Musk’s Twitter takeover amplified the platform’s existing conservative lean, but that fact has never been more clear to me, personally, than when I began seeing anti-feminist Hannah Pearl Davis all over my feed last week. I did not know who this person was before, and I wish I still didn’t! Because it turns out she’s styled herself as the “female Andrew Tate,” and Tate’s arrest on human trafficking and rape charges was the best thing to happen to her career, spiking her YouTube audience 50% in the three months following his detainment.  

Some of her hottest takes include women shouldn’t have the right to vote, some of the harms of slavery are "over-embellished,” and divorce should be banned. I lost brain cells watching these videos so you don’t have to.

H. Pearl Davis tweet: “Getting divorced should be illegal and I’ll stand on this hill. You should work it out point blank period. It’s not about you anymore it’s about your children”

Where did this Platonic Pick-Me Girl come from, and why? Though I am loath to give her attention, when more people get their news from influencers than from journalists, it seems important to clock her as a bellwether. Pearl’s online character is at least partly an act, and a lucrative one, but the offline implications of these online fabrications and conspiracies are increasingly horrifying. Oh well! I’m sure it’ll all be fine! Society is too robust to be brought down by cringe-posting grifters, right? …Right?

—Mariam Sharia is not sure it’ll all be fine

After producing only twelve episodes for their twenty million Spotify podcasting dollars (that’s approximately $1,666,666.67 per episode), Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will not have their contract renewed. “The decision was mutual, according to a statement,” reports PodNews dryly. Harry and Meghan are “fucking grifters” reports Spotify podcast exec and erstwhile Boston Sports Guy Bill Simmons, less dryly.

Choire interviewed Parker Posey and I couldn’t predict the content or even general theme of a single sentence based on the previous one. It’s like having a stroke, but kind of enjoying it. Similar vibe: “I received a bad rash from, a purchase at the Fort Greene, Farmers’ Market.”

What About $BOB? Annoying and now suspended GPT-4 Yes/Yes/No spambot @ExplainThisBob is actually a ‘Scam Crypto Account’ according to scam crypto expert Elon Musk. “My heart is shattered, and my life feels like it's in ruins” posts extremely rational $BOB fan. Rounded to the nearest hundredth of a cent, $BOB has declined from a high of $0.0000 to its present value of $0.0000, according to CoinGecko.

Skeet by Alan Baxter: [image of a hand holding a mic up to an orca] “Send more yachts”

Today’s Song: Citizen King, “Better Days (And The Bottom Drops Out)”

Spotify has the “Better Days” EP which promises a Cibo Matto remix that turns out to be a remix of a completely different Citizen King song (“Checkout Line”). I don’t know what it means, I was just very confused and wanted to share. Music Intern Sam also points out that:

“TIL the guy from Citizen King "Better Days (and the bottom drops out)" is the same guy as Mt. Sims who made an opera album and a steel drum EP with The Knife”

Thanks to Intern Mariam, and I hardly post anymore but if you want to follow me on The Platforms I mainly look at Bluesky, Mastodon, and (ugh) Twitter as me or The Brand.

Lily posts: “im a big fan of this classic tale of the folly of man and the power of the sea... let me pay $250k to get in a tiny submersible to go down and check out its wreckage"

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