- Today in Tabs
- Welcome to the Kenaissance
Welcome to the Kenaissance
Intense heat is beneath it.
“The ground appears to be trembling, and intense heat is beneath it.”
Pop quiz, hotshot. Does that quote refer to:
A) Fan reactions to Ryan Gosling’s unhinged method performance as smooth-groined children’s toy Ken, whose signature power ballad features Guns ‘N Roses guitarist Slash? After more than a full year of Barbie Movie promotional nonsense we still have eleven more days to endure, but the Kenaissance is picking up steam.
B) Conditions in the Hudson Valley during yesterday’s “‘thousand-year rain event,’ where up to eight inches of rain fell within three hours” according to The New York Times according to Hell Gate, who have named this “Climate Apocalypse Summer” for the floods which followed the heat which teamed up with the smoke (reprise) which followed the bugs which followed the smoke (original). The flooding has now moved on to Northern Vermont.
C) The gathering discourse around “Girl Dinner.” Yes, there’s a slightly pro-ana Tiktok rebranding of ploughman's lunch for the modern girl goblin, and the Times is On It.
Local residents are warned to expect continued smoke, possible ash fall, intense brooding, and a likelihood of widely scattered changelings. Hjroll that beautiful drøne footage:
The End of Men, Yet Again: I can’t believe Ryan Gosling’s Ken didn’t get a mention in Christine Emba’s nearly endless Washington Post essay about how Men Are Lost Now Today, In This Time and Place. Representative line: “I, a heterosexual woman, cringed in recognition.” (…of Scott Galloway saying women don’t want to have sex with the modern feminized male.) If you choose to read this, don’t say you weren’t warned.
“Tee hee!” cackled a feral pack of Scientists as they scurried through the forest dragging sheets behind them, collecting ticks. Why would they do that? Why do scientists do anything? No one knows. Now they claim that when you stick your head under the covers at night and see sparks in your sheets, that’s where ticks come from, or something. Other scientists created electricity out of humid air? By accident?? They have played us for absolute fools.
And Finally: In 2018, Aaron Gordon reported in Slate that The Athletic poached a huge stable of successful local sportswriters with the premise that it was “not merely as a business but a necessity, an existential requirement to condition readers to pay for their work and keep sports writing sustainable.” This morning Gordon was “reminded of how mad some Athletic writers/editors got at me when I wrote that it was in danger of becoming ‘just another sports section’” as, after “The New York Times sports department sent a pointed letter to the newspaper’s leadership Sunday asking for answers about the future of the section amid concern that it could be shut down in an ongoing effort to further integrate the Athletic into the Times,” the Times today announced that the sports section will be shut down and The Athletic will become the newspaper’s sports section.
Does a country really need more than one newspaper? Who can say.
Today’s Song: Way Out West feat. Tricia Lee Kelshall, “Mindcircus,” for Music Intern Sam’s long-lost pal Bob.
You thought it was gonna be Björk, but what you didn’t realize is I don’t tell Music Intern Sam anything that’s in the newsletter before he picks the song. There’s definitely, definitely, definitely no logic to it, but that’s just human behavior. Please join me here tomorrow for: email.