You're Going Down, Batman

Thanks for everything! —Julie Newmar

Despite all the times we saw the Caped Crusader yodel down Bronson Canyon, zoom through a bush, and plunge headfirst into the Batcave, yesterday Variety’s Joe Otterson broke the news that, according to “Harley Quinn” co-creator Justin Halpern:

…in this third season of ‘Harley’ we had a moment where Batman was going down on Catwoman. And DC was like, ‘You can’t do that. You absolutely cannot do that.’ They’re like, ‘Heroes don’t do that.’ So, we said, ‘Are you saying heroes are just selfish lovers?’ They were like, ‘No, it’s that we sell consumer toys for heroes. It’s hard to sell a toy if Batman is also going down on someone.’

First of all, they’re called action figures for a reason so don’t tell me what I can’t do with them. But is it true? Can the world’s greatest detective not even find the little man in the pink canoe? Only one social network was both technologically and emotionally stunted enough to investigate. Amanda Wong shared a tale of Adam West and Frank Gorshin getting kicked out of an orgy because they wouldn’t break character, and Steve Kandell confirmed that it wasn’t only in orgies, but neither story clarifies whether Batman the character enjoys clams casino in his box lunch. David Bednar theorized that this tongue twisting caper might be the work of Gotham’s most cunning linguist: The Riddler. Going down the list of other heroes’ dining habits, we learned that if you make plans to eat at the Y, The Phantom will never ghost you, and that Spider Man will crawl up the wall to your backdoor and then toss you a nice salad. But while it’s clear that Batman “know[s] the location of every nerve cluster on a man’s body,” it looked grim when the Dark Knight himself seemed to confirm that, like Forrest Gump, he’s never gone shrimping down South:

However at the last moment, “Gotham” writer Tze Chun reported definitively that “ive written Batman and he does,” and also suggested the first plausible reason for those little bat ears on the costume. And finally actual photographic evidence proved that Bruce Wayne did indeed French kiss Mr. Lincoln at least once.

Is it warm in here? Let’s take a deep breath and check in with Intern Linda, who has a calming tale of math drama for us today.

In 2012, reclusive mathematician Shinichi Mochizuki kicked off a slow-moving mathematics drama I've been checking in on every few years by publishing a 500 page proof he claimed solved the abc conjecture, a number theory hypothesis that is considered one of the Big Daddy unsolved problems. However, as mathematicians waded through the paper, they started to suspect that the proof might be wrong. This process took years, since in pure maths quite a few famous proofs require months of reading to understand—especially if the paper in question is possibly mathematical gish gallop. Here’s a live shot of the math world reading the proof:

It's not completely unheard of in the field for a solution to come out of nowhere: Yitang Zhang famously released a New Yorker profile worthy number theory proof in 2013 after previously being drummed out of serious academic job consideration and spending some time as a delivery driver. (By the way, the advisor who had refused to write Zhang recommendations later published an incredible nine page screed about it.) However, in Mochizuki's case, his paper was given serious consideration because he was known as a wunderkind, and last year it was accepted for publication in the prestigious journal he himself edits. Recently, he also published a 65-page "people who say I am wrong are haters" paper about his detractors, so that's the general tenor of the discourse.

Rusty is not paying me enough to learn the pure maths necessary to audit this thing for my Tabs internship, but in my opinion it's a classic example of wanting something so badly you delude yourself. If you would like to read it, all four parts can be found under the title 'Inter-universal Teichmuller Theory' on Mochizuki's extremely Geocities website, and good luck to you!


Thank you Intern Linda, I feel like that reset our horny levels appropriately.

Hey remember this winter when Texas’s ruggedly individualistic, go-it-alone power grid crapped out and froze a lot of people to death? Well maybe it can’t handle that kind of cold, but it can handle heat, right? … It can handle heat, right? Turns out: no. According to KUTThe grid operator said Monday more than 12,000 megawatts of generation capacity… is unavailable,” and the Electric “Reliability” Council of Texas is asking Texans to use less power or risk a system failure that could take “weeks” to recover from. “We got a tight, hot little grid out there,” said fake ERCOT spokesperson Blaire Erskine. “Would you rather have A.C., or would you rather have AOC?” Trick question, you get neither.

Marjorie Taylor Greene, the political version of smearing peanut butter and jelly directly on the counter, visited the Holocaust Museum yesterday and issued an official whoopsie for saying the holocaust was like being asked to wear a mask, but did stand by her assertion that Democrats are Nazis because… socialism. Apparently you do not “gotta hand it to them.

Delia wrote about Ben Smith’s New Yorker union column:

…allow yourself to dive deep into the Eustace Tilleyverse of covert West Village meetings, shocking health insurance revelations, and apparently, some…..daddy issues? I recommend 5-10 minutes to linger on the detail where someone called a Magnum photographer to do the group pic honors, in some kind of weird Irascibles cosplay I guess. 

Also Emily Nussbaum Notes-ed about it and Helen Rosner tweeted support for the union staff. Like a pan of brownies in “Tenet,” the more time passes, the less fully-baked that column seems.

Also Today in Media Goss: The NYT hired Erin Woo straight out of Stanford to cover startups, and Sabrina Imbler for the Science desk. Morning Brew is looking for a marketing reporter, according to Josh Sternberg. Chrissy Teigen popped out of the oubliette and saw her shadow, so that means we’ll have six more months of apologies.

And finally: RIP Freenode.

Today’s Song: LMFAO “Party Rock Anthem” (this is your fault, austin)

~ i asked you who sings party rock anthem and you're laughing. ~

Very special thanks to the Cake & Cunnilingus Day website, which is not at all safe for work, but really helped me out today. Share it with a special friend tonight. And sorry for party rocking.