Today in Tabs

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Tabs Should Be More Like Prison

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Tabs Should Be More Like Prison

Today in Mean New Yorker, and shocking news about the Nord Stream pipeline.

Rusty Foster
Mar 7
42
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Tabs Should Be More Like Prison

www.todayintabs.com

If you’ve heard of U. Chicago philosophy professor Agnes Callard it’s probably either because of her smug picket line crossing in 2019, or because the day after last Halloween she dropped this banger of a Bean Dad/Ruthkanda crossover tweet:

Twitter avatar for @AgnesCallard
Agnes Callard @AgnesCallard
9yo: mama you DIDN'T throw out the halloween candy?!--- [background: we have a halloween tradition where after the kids go to bed, I throw all their candy in the garbage. The next morning, they are filled with rage.] ---thank you SO much!!! [hugs & kisses] Reader, I forgot.
1:03 PM ∙ Nov 1, 2022
1,688Likes70Retweets

Yesterday with the help of Rachel Aviv and The New Yorker she threw all of our candy in the garbage and instead left us with a 7500 word profile of her ex-husband + grad student struggling-second-marriage-throuple.

[Grad student turned second husband / object of professional study] Arnold said that, the first time Agnes’s sons came to his apartment, “I remember watching them play on the furniture and suddenly realizing: this is the point of furniture.”

Yes, these people are idiots, of a particular type you mostly find in academia, but the profile itself is a masterpiece which Callard will probably read with enormous satisfaction because she doesn’t seem capable of grasping that everything she does in it is pure horny middle-aged cliché.

Also Today in Mean New Yorker: Parul Sehgal roasted Jenny Odell’s new book “Saving Time.”

Why does a book so concerned with the looming issues of our day, and possessed of such an urgent authorial voice, feel like such a time sink? …Perhaps her hope is to rush past the fact that so many of her observations are commonplaces… every sentence turtled against the arrows of social critique…

Odell’s signal question is to ask whose time is being devalued. I began to respond in the margins, faintly at first, and then with despair. Whose time is being devalued? Mine, I wrote.

Yikes. LARB liked it, I guess. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Twitter avatar for @bransonreese
branson 🦢 reese @bransonreese
Christ judging the carpentry of the cross he's nailed to like "oh huh, not how I would've done that"
11:48 PM ∙ Feb 12, 2023
1,031Likes74Retweets

“College Should Be More Like Prison” writes Brooke Allen in the WSJ and you’d think she would have to do something to recontextualize such a deliberately provocative headline but nope! She’s just a big prison fan. After finally managing to get himself promoted to full-time cancel culture grifter, Scott Dilbert launched the gritty reboot of his namesake comic strip: Dilbert With a Hard R. And in today’s tedious but obligatory Elon Musk news, Musk got himself in a Twitter fight with the best person in Iceland, and lost so badly even the Dogecoin guy was like “hey man, that’s not cool?”

Twitter avatar for @willyblackmore
Willy Blackmore @willyblackmore
Orange juice from concentrate just hit different poured from one of these
Image
5:14 PM ∙ Mar 7, 2023

Derek Thompson reports that statistically, the new work at home class is boning. Graydon Carter announced a “beauty and wellness” vertical for Air Mail called “Look.” “Air Femail” was right there, but ok. Sara Fischer and Bethany Allen-Ebrahimian also co-bylined what qualifies as an epic Axios #longread on Semafor “partnering with a think tank in China that is known to have close ties to the Chinese Communist Party.” It’s a real fall from grace for the Smiths dot news since their starry-eyed early days of five months ago, funding their scrappy media startup with FTX money. ChatGPT creates boring content: restaurant edition. I am once again begging everyone to please stop doing this awful article. And the decaying skin of Slack, now fully inhabited by the alien bug Salesforce and staggering around like Vincent D'Onofrio in “Men In Black” with gobbets falling off it, thinks you might want to have ChatGPT talk to your colleagues for you.

Today in Threads:

Sick! Bug! Facts!

Twitter avatar for @Chinchillazllla
i bless the rains down in castamere @Chinchillazllla
my dad is an entomologist, so I often find that something I have basically always known about bugs totally blows regular people's minds. I'm gonna start a thread of sick bug* facts that normies may or may not know. *using bug in the colloquial sense. entomologists stand down.
4:36 PM ∙ Mar 5, 2023
66,999Likes8,863Retweets

Other Options Considered:

Twitter avatar for @dubenko_
Olek @dubenko_
Seeing how Meta approached VR locomotion for hand tracking with a pinch gesture I found it a bit boring so here are my takes on how to move around with just hands, ranging from least to most cursed.
3:59 PM ∙ Mar 6, 2023
341Likes50Retweets

For No Particular Reason: The first episode of “3-2-1 Contact” started with a segment about recording its iconic theme song.

Muppet News Flash: Adam Entous, Julian E. Barnes and Adam Goldman triple-bylined a momentous NY Times report alleging that according to unnamed U.S. officials, at least some elements of the American intelligence community are nearing the conclusion that someone was responsible for blowing up the Nord Stream pipelines last fall. I wouldn’t have thought the Times could make Sy Hersh’s Substack look sober and informative, but they managed it.

Toot by sluttymayo@jorts.horse: “i met my wife during the debate about the "in utah" row for the related article template box about mutli level marketing companies on wikipedia”

Today’s Song: 100 gecs, “Hollywood Baby”

If I die, don’t look for me in the sunsets. I’ll be in the tabs.

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