New Type of Guy Dropped

There’s a new type of guy in China called the 🦐 type. We’re not talking about long-lost cinnamon toast 🦐 guy Jensen Karp, but the 🦐 guys in Louisiana are carping about imported shrimp making them all po’ boys instead of 🦐 guys.

There’s a new type of girl in America called the 🪱 type.

There’s a Naomi Fry in The New Yorker called “The Galvanizing Body Horror of Heidi Klum’s Worm Costume.” Don’t worry everyone she’s still super hot inside there, just like your wormfriend!

Year 3000: There’s a new type of mech taking over the power on earth called the 🦐 type.

“The Book That Hastened Bono’s Puberty, in a Good Way” is a headline that hastened my demise, in a bad way. Can you guess what publication this is from? I bet you can’t. You don’t want to read this and I don’t either, so let’s assume the book was Clan of the Cave Bear like everyone else. I’m kidding, of course I read it, I love mess! Bono is the most pretentious person who ever lived—you almost have to admire his commitment to the game.1 Look at this:

Pomposity Level: Catorce. The greatest of all time at unjustifiably acting like the greatest of all time.

How Much Coverage Are You Worth? CJR’s Kyle Pope quantified Gwen Ifill’s “missing white woman syndrome” to create areyoupressworthy.com, where some basic demographic info will reveal whether anyone would care if you went missing. It tells me I would only earn sixteen news stories, but if I disappear you’ll make it a huge thing and launch multiple podcasts and get all the Tiktok sleuths involved and stuff right? I need you to do that for me. Maybe not now, maybe not ever, but be ready is all I’m saying.

Tom Scocca responded to Jon Chait’s response to Tom Scocca’s response to Erik Wemple’s response to James Bennet’s response to being fired by A.G. Sulzberger. I’m just so happy to see the boys blogging again.

Also blogging again is Choire Sicha, who put on a clinic in media personality newslettering this morning. Announce your event, tell a couple breezy anecdotes, and dip. It’s a masterpiece. He’s doing a book event at McNally Jackson tonight. If you go, wear your Tabs T-shirt.

To-***ing-day in *******: Swearing is good for you, says science.

Sarah Moir wrote a characteristically exhaustive investigation of the question: “Will we see prompt-based music generation?” What’s the answer? I don’t know! It’s like eight thousand words. Gentlemen’s Friday is no time to start this, I’m saving it for the weekend. My personal guess is “yes, definitely,” based on nothing but pessimism. I can’t wait to see what Sarah’s much better-informed answer is.

I feel like there was something else going on... Oh, right! That. Techdirt’s Mike Masnick wrote the definitive content moderation speed-run, outlining all of the things that knucklehead at Twitter is about to learn. Or fail to learn, as may be. If you ever thought “why can’t they just… moderate better?” (and whoms’t among us, right?) this will tell you why. Also half of Twitter is probably going to be fired tomorrow. I make fun of the hellsite a lot but it’s the only social media I actually use so if you work there, listen: [EARNEST CAMERA TURN] this all sucks and I hope every one of you lands somewhere better. At least you won’t have to put up with Elon’s bullshit anymore. And if you don’t get fired, maybe consider this?

Today’s Song: Mannequin Pussy, “Control”

Is 🦐 the new 🦀? Never. But is 🪱 the new 🦋? Maybe. The subhed today is lifted directly from The Tab, ™ ™ ™ that Tab, not this one. Paid post tomorrow for subscribers only: HOW TO DO CRIMES.