- Today in Tabs
- New Creature Dropped
New Creature Dropped
Goblin, ghoul, a zombie with no conscience
As it was foretold:
More New Creatures:
Plastitar: “the unholy spawn of oil spills and microplastics” collecting on the Canary Islands and probably everywhere else, according to Wired’s Matt Simon…
From Hobbiton comes The 50 Foot Rag Monster: which a palpably shook Sam Brooks reports is “a congealment of wet wipes, fat and other waste from the sewage system. And like most monsters, it was created by the world’s greatest evil… man.” Also Today in Monsters from the Kiwi Korner: The whole neighborhood loves this scrappy grocer! *five seconds later* We regret to inform you the scrappy grocer is ”the worst man I have ever met.”
Question: what do Plastitar and the 50 Foot Rag Monster have in common? Everybody knows they’re both types of goop, which is also oozing in to threaten the reputations of the independent product reviewers at Wirecutter, where NY Times management invited Gwyneth Paltrow to peddle $24 “natural” deodorant and a $125-for-1.7oz tin of exfoliant from her own store. Earlier this month they featured another shill-ebrity post from Bowen Yang, who was at least not profiting directly from any of his recommendations. Today in Tabs sources report that Wirecutter staff are even more demoralized than usual, if that’s possible.
How do you fight monsters? It helps to know exactly what you’re fighting, who’s with you and who’s against you, and what resources you have. In Vox, Rebecca Leber explained power mapping and its uses for climate activism, but you could also use it to defeat Sasquatch, Godzilla, King Kong, or Lochness.
Palo Alto monster mansion answers the question “what if hell was taupe and had a hockey rink?” What kind of monster would make a glass of fizzy vinegar and claim it tastes like Coke? Morbius is the ultimate movie monster, and after a weak initial showing in theaters, and an even weaker return to theaters, thousands of fanatical Morbheads have launched a petition: “We Were All Busy That Weekend - Please Bring Morbius to the Theatre a Third Time.” We can only hope Sony listens. In Politico, Sam Stein and Max Tani report that:
Barack Obama subscribe to Tabs and we’ll fight the looming menace to Democracy together. Also see if you can help get Morbius in theaters again? It would truly be hilarious. And whatever capitalism’s greatest monster Elon Musk wants, we are never going back to the office.
Today’s Song: Imagine Dragons, “Monster”
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Tomorrow: the notes and recording of our personal digital security talk from a couple weeks ago, and an open thread. Subscribe if you don’t get enough of Tabs either. Do you remember all of Jay Z’s “Monster” verse? Are you sure? I bet you don’t. I’m on Twitter @fka_tabs, tweeting monstrously bad jokes.