Tabs is Back
Coming out of my cage and I'm already regretting it
Oh hey! Did I miss anything? No? Good.
First let me apologize for saying that 2014 was a terrible year. I mean, it was, but in retrospect I should have kept my adjectives dry. So let's agree that 2020 could have been better.
But Lyz Lenz wrote a good essay about learning to run in 2020, Jess Zimmerman wrote a good essay about endings and the lack thereof, and Lawrence Wright wrote an entire New Yorker dot print issue about our hell year. I don't like personal essays or #longreads so you know these are good.
Stef Kight aggregated the year's news cycles for Axios, proving that it really was as relentless as you remember and also providing a handy reference for your terrible "We Didn't Start the Fire 2020" parody (please don't do this). Did you know: Kobe Bryant died this year??? Linda Holmes claims she found 50 wonderful things from 2020. Frankly, I doubt it. And the best Vox could come up with was that 2020 was probably not the worst year in history.
2021 is already looking better: The Great Gatsby is in the public domain, which means it's not a great day to hop on a Zoom call with notable Gatsby fan Jeffrey Toobin, who will be beating on and not paying attention to that green light. Everything else published in 1925 is also in the public domain, so you can finally release your Gatsby / Dalloway / Nick Adams slashfic.
Somehow the Covid relief bill started a 180 day clock for for the US defense department and intelligence agencies to release all their UFO info because America has a good government that works properly. It's probably not a good day to hop on a Zoom call with Tom DeLonge either. But in 2021 we can all be Space Egg.
Meanwhile in Ol' Knifey: Brexit is done, and one UKIP-promoting eel peddler just discovered he's done a knifecrime on his own business's future, innit guv. Yesterday in Eels. Brexit visualized.
Today in Animals Other Than Eels: A Queens neighborhood is terrorized by vicious squirrels (this sounds like tabloid hyperbole but there are pictures and it is not). Ryan’s Goslings. [PICS] Ex-cop dog barks at tree, dad starts industrial revolution. Raccoons riding on feral hogs, sure why not? Robots are animals now too! There are no rules!
Look, 2014-2020 inclusive were all pretty terrible, and maybe 2021 will be too, but at least we'll have each other.
Today's Song: It had to be this one.
~We are gonna make it through these tabs, if it kills us~
Today in Tabs may someday be brought to you by Substack, but currently they won’t email so you have to come get it yourself I guess? I tweet @fka_tabs (might have to change that name) and @TodayinTabs. Graphics by Garrett Miller. Please pay me, I'm terrified this won't work.