Justice for Jorts
Just a list of updates today, basically.
The lowest and most shameful form of content aggregation is linking to Reddit threads. That said: “AITA for ‘enforcing an ethnic stereotype’ by joking that orange cats are often dumb?” The tale of dimwitted orange cat Jorts and his caring but misguided coworker Pam is the only thing you really need to see today. Once you’ve read the initial question please continue to the UPDATE, which is where everyone really loses it. There’s already a twitter account and… it’s not bad? Feels like I just torched several years of credibility in this paragraph.
In Chef Floriano’s rebuttal he explained that “Preparing food that is liked is like making a drawing of a man on a horse. It is not that hard, but most people will admire you.” He dismissively noted that “Many people are able to make good food. Your grandmother could do it. My wife does it great.” Which is a pretty condescending thing to say when your wife is one of the chefs at Bros.
The next phase will start when someone investigates this tweet and gets the Bros bro fully canceled for running an abusive workplace. Stay tuned!
“Eric Adams and Just His Mattress Are Moving to Gracie Mansion:” It’s hard to believe Eric Adams isn’t even officially mayor yet, but Clio Chang reports that he’s “bringing the energy of all four of the grandparents in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory to the city’s historic mayoral home.”
Today in Crabs: Rust Lang Edition
Oh, ah:TIME owner Marc Benioff is an investor in SpaceX. Moving on..."Person of the Year is a marker of influence, and few individuals have had more influence than @elonmusk on life on Earth, and potentially life off Earth too," writes TIME editor-in-chief @efelsenthal #TIMEPOY https://t.co/ts1iMz6kZxTIME @TIME
NASA spacecraft hurls itself into the sun, cruelly leaving the rest of us behind.
On BuzzFeed you can find articles titled, for example, “Putting ketchup on more than half of these foods is a federal crime — are you guilty?” (for real). But an offshoot, named BuzzFeed News, actually writes serious articles about news of the day.
Bloomberg reports on COVID pushing the hospital system to collapse in Kentucky, or as The Atlantic calls it, “distant Myanmar.”
30-50 feral hogs “invade Southeast Texas neighborhood.” You’ll never guess how long it took.
D.C. access-arbitrage newsletter Punchbowl partied with a bunch of lobbyists at the Washington Football Team game this weekend, reports Alexander Sammon in The American Prospect. It’s not that surprising for an outlet started by people who found Politico intolerably ethical. Maybe they were celebrating their successful murder of Build Back Better.
People are way madder about the perceived betrayal of the Frog’s foray into cryptocurrency than they could ever be about his missing dick.
Finally: “Every so often, you get a reminder that Weird Sony is still alive and well,” writes Chris Welch in The Verge, reviewing Sony’s new bong.
Today’s Song: Charli XCX, “Good Ones [Perfume Genius Remix]”
~Tabs can only be understood backwards; but they must be read forwards.~
Jort Sort is the one true jort. I tweet @fka_tabs. Send Polly and me your questions. Run through a field of wildflowers. Loosen your shoulders. There will always be someone with more abilities in newsletter than my own as there will be those with less.