Please Pardon the Oversight
Space junk inbound, and the Tabs Weather Desk checks in
The Facebook Oversight Board popped out of its hole and saw its shadow, so Donald Trump is banned for six more months. To its credit, the board mostly just told Facebook that if it wants to elevate forum drama to the level of international court proceedings, it will first have to write down some rules and then apply them, and to come back when it has. Mr. Trump, a blogger who previously worked for the United States government, is banned from all major social media platforms and thus could not immediately be located for comment. The Tabs weather desk predicts scattered takes, becoming heavy in the afternoon, but tapering to gags and rants by late evening.
Deorbit, Baby: After launching the first section of China’s space station last week, the overachieving Long March 5B rocket core that got it there also accidentally reached orbit instead of falling back to Earth downrange. Now it’s circling the globe every 90 minutes in a hot “will they or won’t they” flirtation with our atmosphere that is guaranteed to end in disaster, like the last season of Moonlighting.1 The Guardian quotes Harvard astrophysicist and advanced theoretical understatement researcher Jonathan McDowell: “It’s potentially not good.” U.S. Space Command estimates that between 4 and 8 metric tons of falling rocket may impact somewhere on earth, some time this weekend. So place your bets! Last year, when the same kind of rocket did the same thing, the debris dropped in Côte d’Ivoire, on the West coast of Africa, after passing over Los Angeles and New York.
⭐️ Alternative Assets: There's a million newsletters about stocks and VC. This is about the options that aren’t discussed as much. Stefan and Wyatt explore new investment opportunities so you don't have to. Think NFTs, Sports cards, and Sneakers. Check out Alternative Assets →
⭐️ Time exchange platform TimeRepublik: a freelancer’s dream. Help someone with your expertise, get “paid” in time, and use that time to find the help you need on the platform that ZDNet called a “purpose-driven social network.” It might even change your life. www.timerepublik.com
⭐️ Flying Colors seeks a Freelance Head of Content to develop a content hub for birding enthusiasts. We’ll work together to agree on an initial scope and success metrics. You’ll take the lead on executing, working with writers and experts to craft high quality content. → More Info
⭐️ For over 10 years the Museum of Marketing Madness has been curating, skewering and roasting the worst of advertising to comic perfection. We don’t run ads because that defeats our purpose. But we DO have a Patreon! Admission free. We never close.
We got ads! Deez Links, Study Hall, and Today in Tabs are working together to distribute weekly listings to 38,000 hyper-engaged followers of the media industry (editors, writers, executives) through all three newsletters.
That’s the ads, so let’s keep the content I don’t have to write going with…
Today in Beasts
Surely the second coming is nigh when not one, but two rough beasts slouch toward the timeline to be tabbed. First we have John Cox, aka @BeastJohnCox, a Republican who appears to be campaigning to replace CA Governor Gavin Newsom with an actual bear:
The bear, a Kodiak named Tag, was carted along with Cox from Sacramento to The French Laundry on Tuesday. This sounds like a sequel to Grizzly Man, and I for one would not blame Tag for anything he ordered off-menu in Yountville.
None of this is very distinguished, because if you want a fancy beast you need to add an honorific. Please call him MrBeast, a 22-year-old YouTube superstar profiled by Taylor Lorenz in the NY Times. In his human form, MrBeast is known as Jimmy Donaldson, and though he has nary a bear, he does own a business serving bear-style burgers (raw) and sounds scary to work with, so there’s that.
It wouldn’t be fair to leave you with two bad beasts and the image of YouTuber tartare lingering in your mind, so let’s jog off into the sunset together with the Athleisure Camel:
The Intern is Sponsored by:
⭐️ Discourse: Are you unhappy with … THE DISCOURSE™? Us too! Start your own community of friends, enthusiasts, fans, users, or just regular folks. 💯% open source now and forever, your data always belongs to you. Truly free 14 day trial.
⭐️ The Content Technologist, the mostly jargon-free digital strategy newsletter for publishers, writers, marketers, and anyone excavating the content mines... even interns. 15% off annual subscriptions with the code TABS21 (new annual subscribers only, expires 6/30)
Thanks, Intern Tess! I don’t know how you got that video of me in sweatpants but please delete it.
Speaking of unexpected leaks, Bloomberg has an excerpt from Brad Stone’s book “Amazon Unbound” about the time The Enquirer took a shot at Jeff Bezos and missed. It’s a pretty pro-Bezos version of the tale, but it did remind me of one of the best tabloid headlines of all time:
Reuters seems to have “vaporized all of its old blog content, including many years of my work, with no warning” says Felix Salmon. Tough, but fair. Serious Eats got a nice redesign, but still refuses to reveal if the eats are fungible. A wealthy Belorusian immigrant named Peter Belogour is buying a lot of property in southeastern Vermont, along with all the local newspapers. Maybe the NY Daily News should give him a call? Columnist Larry McShane pleads today for anyone other than private equity reavers Alden Global Capital to buy the paper. A woman in Mali reportedly gave birth to nine babies, instead of the expected seven. Every late night show will make a good joke about this so I probably don’t need to. And the Japanese town of Noto deserved its Covid relief funds because this giant squid statue is sick.
Today’s Song: Billie Eilish, “All the Good Girls go to Hell”