A Tenth of the Produce of the Land is Tabs
Is this Jordan Peterson’s all-meat three-wheeler? Is this French onion soup from hell?
I threw all the tabs up in the air and here are the ones God decided not to keep:
“Major Cheese Heist!” Some dirty rat made off with 3,500 pounds of Dutch cheese. “Dysentery Guy” Jake Eberts did a short interview with Rachel Millman in The Observer and a much longer one with his vaccine trial clinic toilet. He’s also raised more than $21,000 so far for The Water Project, if you’d like to thank him for live-tweeting his “French onion soup from hell.” Joanna Weiss dropped a classic #Slatepitch, arguing that “Severance Is Actually an Argument for Returning to the Office.” No finger trap for you this quarter, sorry Joanna. But do you see the scary numbers? You can refine macrodata yourself now. What’s the best thing about U.S. prison? That’s a toughie, but it’s probably the enormous number of mentally ill people locked up there, right Matt Novak? Imaginary Beverage Reviews, by Kevin Fanning:
It sounds impossible. It sounds symbolic. It sounds like happiness, or sex, or drugs, or peace. It sounds like love. It kind of sounds exactly like love. It’s not. It comes in a can and it costs $2.99 and you can buy it at certain stores, sometimes. This has been Beverage #1.
Beep Beep It’s Car News
Now this is how you sell a “slightly beige” but allegedly potentially vintage 1980 Ci Europa 4 Berth caravan, with a bucket and a hammock. Is this Jordan Peterson’s all-meat three-wheeler? San Francisco cops tried to pull over a driverless car, and all I can imagine is a utopia where there are equal numbers of driverless cars and police, and they keep each other occupied. Drones are the cars of the sky, but Amazon’s delivery drones are the cars of the sky of the dirt. Rockets are the cars of space and SpinLaunch, the official suborbital launch system of the Tabs subscriber Discord, won a contract with NASA to throw some stuff up in the air really hard later this year. Good job gang, we’re all pulling for you (centripetally).
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Elon Musk heard the words “fiduciary” and “background check” and noped off the Twitter board. Kara Swisher thinks Twitter is potentially facing a hostile takeover. No matter what happens, Parag Agrawal thinks it’s for the best. Could be anything. “There will be distractions ahead,” he writes, but that’s for the best too. By the way, guess who paid for the Starlink satellite internet terminals Elon generously donated to Ukraine? Yeah, it was us. “Elon Musk’s Work on Twitter’s Board Is Done,” writes Matt Levine.
Netflix can make a reality show about anything they want, and no one can stop them. Watch for Netflix’s “My Brother in Christ,” premiering 2024. Income: $330,000. Bagels: $5,475. Someone who is good at the economy please help me budget this, my family is dying. Lydia Polgreen finally realized that writing an opinion column is easy and fun, and running a podcast company is hard and sucks. Welcome back to the discourse, Lydia! Remember: never tweet. In Interview Magazine, Donald Glover interviewed Donald Glover, and it’s good to see Sally Rooney’s owl dating again.
Today’s Song: Olivia Rodrigo covered Veruca Salt’s “Seether” in a babydoll dress and Doc Martens. The 90’s are back, baby!
~But you say, “How have we robbed you?” In your tabs and contributions.~
The Wet Leg album is finally out, and there isn’t a miss on it. Did you know all the songs of the day are in Spotify playlists too? Currently we’re in season six, but season five and season four are available too. I also make tweets and sell emails.