Editor Archived
Miles Klee wrote about the TikTok pink sauce in Mel and the private equity vultures that resurrected Mel from its Dollar Shave grave a year ago immediately killed it again. Coincidence? Probably. Nevertheless, please send nudes. And does anyone have contact info for the sex toy people that bought The Believer? I think I found a more suitable media property for them…
Puck’s Matthew Belloni claims that Desus & Mero split up in a dispute over their manager Victor Lopez who allegedly “had been accused of asshole behavior, including bullying, screaming and generally making people on the show feel bad,” ALLEGEDLY. According to Belloni, Mero stood by Lopez and Desus was ready to move on. The reaction on the Bodega Boys Reddit was: “huh.” My reaction was: “huh.” In conclusion: huh.
Hallie Bateman is illustrating the dictionary:
![A tweet from Hallie Bateman that says “Abandon #halexicon” and includes an adorable pen illustration of a woman gleefully running nude through the grass, with a dictionary clipping defining the word “abandon” as: “a ban.don (a.ban'. dan) v.t. to give up wholly and finally; to relinquish; to surrender; n. careless freedom; a yielding to unrestrained impulse; dash. -ed a. deserted; forsaken; unrestrained; given up entirely to, esp. wickedness. -edly adv. -ment n. the act of abandoning, or state of being abandoned; (Law) the relinquishing of an interest or claim [0.Fr. aban doner].”](https://substackcdn.com/image/fetch/w_1456,c_limit,f_webp,q_auto:good,fl_progressive:steep/https%3A%2F%2Fbucketeer-e05bbc84-baa3-437e-9518-adb32be77984.s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpublic%2Fimages%2F0d3aa2c0-0f72-4612-991b-a163e6c6e88b_1110x1522.png "A tweet from Hallie Bateman that says “Abandon #halexicon” and includes an adorable pen illustration of a woman gleefully running nude through the grass, with a dictionary clipping defining the word “abandon” as: “a ban.don (a.ban'. dan) v.t. to give up wholly and finally; to relinquish; to surrender; n. careless freedom; a yielding to unrestrained impulse; dash. -ed a. deserted; forsaken; unrestrained; given up entirely to, esp. wickedness. -edly adv. -ment n. the act of abandoning, or state of being abandoned; (Law) the relinquishing of an interest or claim [0.Fr. aban doner].”")
Elon Musk might have had his fixer at Tesla, Omead Afshar, order him “a special kind of glass” for personal use, according to Bloomberg’s Edward Ludlow. Emma Roth followed up in the Verge but couldn’t shed any light on what was special about the glass, or what personal use Musk might have had for it, and then The Wall St. Journal reported that the incurably horny electric car magnate boinked Google co-founder Sergey Brin’s wife, so we’ll probably never hear any more about the special glass and now, as Kenzie Bryant ruefully observed, it’s yet another week in which we have to think about Elon Musk’s sex life. Ass, glass, or grass, nobody rides for free.
TayLo wrote about influencers starting semi-private communities using apps like Discord and Geneva to wrestle connection with their fans back from The Platforms. Incidentally, paid Tabs subscribers have access to what is widely acknowledged to be the best of these communities, the legendary Tabs Discord. The oatmeal community was devastated this weekend when its eponymous founder Joyce Carol Oates showed her ass on Twitter yet again, caping for rubber-room Opinion writer Pamela Paul:
If the Kountry Klub Kommentator and Granny J.C. Oatmeal were interested in actual numbers, they could have looked at a little known newspaper from New York which found that 95% of novels published are still by white authors.
The crypto community was shocked to learn that influential YouTuber Ben “BitBoy” Armstrong is literally just some guy with a rate card for paid crypto mentions who habitually deletes videos where he recommended projects that turn out to be scams. Shocked to find gambling going on in here dot gif. Here are thirty five terrible crypto business ideas, if you were waiting for people to find uses for the technology. What if Amazon stored its inventory in random people’s backyards? “Gyms make $ by having members who don’t go to gym. Industry disruptor would do opposite.” 24 karat galaxy brain shit here. The cannibalism community was gratified to finally receive the NY Times coverage it has also been hungry for. And the chess community is united in tepid agreement that a chess robot breaking a seven year old’s finger “is, of course, bad.” The robot community had no comment.
New Yorker archive editor Erin Overbey reports in another long twitter thread that she is now ex-New Yorker archive editor, and skyrocketing demand in media group chats triggered a run on the 👀 emoji that has left supplies critically low. Overbey recently accused New Yorker editor in chief David Remnick of (intentionally???) inserting errors into her work that she was later reprimanded for, and has often called out the very white and privileged roster of New Yorker writers and editors. Erin I’m begging you, drop the Medium post with all the screenshots, we’re dying out here in the Twitter threads. More on this story if the New Yorker union ever says anything about it.
Today in Crabs:
Humpback yeets itself onto boat. Chipotle is shilling crypto again: “If their food was good, would they need to give away Bitcoin?” asks Liz Lopatto. Jude Whiley on modeling in The Fence newsletter:
[Models] live according to two dichotomous ideas: the first is that they must look unique; the second is they must be typical. This cognitive dissonance is what produces strange behaviour in models, what makes them objects of fascination and subjects of parody.
Dave Karpf on tech giants and “actual business” vs. “imaginary business:” Will Netflix be alright [sic]? And Spencer Ackerman’s “Forever Wars” is the latest Substack writer to migrate off O.R.P. and onto Ghost the second his Pro deal ran out.
Today’s Song: Let’s do some Titus Andronicus in their native habitat, shaky phone cam footage and blown-out audio of the band ripping through Lookalike, I Lost My Mind, Mr. E. Mann and Fired Up from the front row of a show.
~ if tabs did not exist, it would be necessary to invent them ~
The sign-off is on personal leave today. It will return tomorrow.