And Seemingly Ranch

Yearnposting clowncore for the jizz-truthers and clam overlords.

It’s still too hot to declare that it’s properly autumn, but look, it’s properly autumn… What is yearn girl fall? Is it something I just made up? Yes, obviously it is.

No further questions. But don’t just yearn, girlies and he-girlies. Whip out your Cash App™ Visa® Cum Card and book that stay at The Big Idaho Potato Hotel. Buy the pair of This Place Is Not A Place Of Honor booty shorts you’ve been dreaming of, or the American Eagle 6” Skeleton Costume Boxer Briefs “for showcasing ALL of your bones” you’ve been he-dreaming of. Get weird on LinkedIn, become a jizz truther, get some massive shoes and join the ‘clowncore’ movement.

Kelsey Weekman (getting increasingly Zalgoed-out): “and seemingly ranch. a n d s e e m i n g l y r a n c h. and? seemingly ranch. and....seemingly ranch. ã̶̯̕ņ̴̟̕d̷̛̰̦̈́ ̶̻̹͊s̵̙̞͗ḙ̴͎̇͛ḛ̵͐͠m̶̧̊͝ḭ̴͖̚n̴̡͓̈̾g̴̜̏̏l̸͈̿ỷ̸̲͍͌ ̶̩̯̉ṛ̸̢̅̕a̸̘̳̔͐ǹ̶̲͎̚c̵̨̘͋h̵͈̭͑̇.”

LZ Granderson pointed out that Adidas is going clowncore, still selling Yeezys and calling Ye “one of the most creative people in the world” a year after he posted he would “go death con 3 On JEWISH PEOPLE” and Adidas claimed to have cut ties with him. Speaking of clowns, the sex abuser’s pizza blackmail festival sucked, and Seth Simons wondered if it isn’t a tiny bit strange that no one in comedy seems to be interested in standing up for Hasan Minhaj.

Gerrit De Vynck reports that OpenAI’s ChatGPT will soon be able to “talk with users using voice and audio.” The company is betting that users will quickly dump Siri and Alexa for a robot assistant that can lie to them. They’re probably right. Alex Reisner and The Atlantic published a searchable database of 183,000 pirated ebooks out “of more than 191,000 books that were used without permission to train generative-AI systems by Meta, Bloomberg, and others.” Have you written a book in the last twenty years?

Since my article appeared, I’ve heard from several authors wanting to know if their work is in Books3. In almost all cases, the answer has been yes.

Butlerian jihad when.

Zach Raffio posted a still of Daniel Craig in “Knives Out,” gesturing in a characteristically lecturey way in front of the knife throne and Ana de Armas, with the text: “And seemingly… ranch”

If you want to give him a participation trophy, you could certainly say he tried. He gave smiling a shot, once again replicating the uncanny moment of human-seeming expression in any horror movie about a doll, when the dad belatedly recognizes there is something alive inside the thing. He ducked the first question and tried to launch into a stump speech with the suppleness of a clutch being shifted from third gear to reverse. He even tried a Reaganesque touch by recounting a politically pointed anecdote that sounded either completely false or absolutely demented. (Here’s a paraphrase: I know a woman alive today because when they went to abort her, she escaped, climbing over and dropping from the abdominal wall. Five abortionists attempted to subdue her, but she beat them back and promptly escaped from the maximum-security abortion clinic to the Los Angeles underground. Today, still wanted by the government, she survives as a baby of fortune.)

Sensible Chuckles:

Bucky Isotope: “Oh we're halfway there / Oh oh running from a bear / I pushed you down / Accidentally I swear / Oh oh eaten by a bear / You were eaten by a bear”

People keep sending me the New York Times story “Clams Ruled This Town Until the Crabs Moved In,” and I appreciate it but I will not read a word of it because the actual story is definitely less interesting than what I’m imagining.

How Far Afield Can Sci-Fi and Fantasy ‘Fake Swearing’ Get Before You Feel Uncomfortable?” asks Danny Lavery. What in the glorping blixar? In the New York Review of Books Lavery reviewed Jacques “Coq au” Pépin’s gizzard wizardry. I was mostly surprised to find I have a NYRB account, so if you find yourself paywalled, give it a shot. Maybe you do too? Maybe everyone does? Who knows what paywalls even are.

Satanicwolf dot gay posted a picture of a bed covered in a denim comforter wiith denim pillows and wrote “almost time to go to jed!” Sweet jreams to you, reader.

Today’s Song: Fugazi, “Break”

Footer Fun Fact: Charged batteries are heavier than dead batteries, because E=mc².

I took 2d10 psychic damage putting this newsletter together today so if you feel pleasantly traumatized by it, subscribing might be the move? Recent subscribers have said kind things like: “It’s the only newsletter I actually look forward to!”, “You made me laugh. That’s a thing these days,” and “Because of this conversation I had a dream last night that Jordan Peterson had a show on Broadway.” Paying is lowkey goated when bespoke curation is the vibe.

Tomorrow: Jordan Peterson: The Musical!

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