A Tab Was Performed

Black Turtlenecks / Blonde Wigs / Red Lipstick / Blood Energy Drink

In 2016 Hayao Miyazaki announced that he was working on a new film, the fifth since his spectacularly unsuccessful retirement in 1998. Ligaya Mishan allegedly landed a rare interview with him for T: The New York Times Style Magazine today, although there is little evidence of what he might have said in the resulting eight thousand word catalogue of every object he owns. To be honest, I wandered down a blind parenthetical and got lost pretty early in this piece and never found my way back out. If you’re a huge Miyazaki fan maybe you’ll enjoy it and/or already know everything in it? If not, Wikipedia provides more information about the forthcoming film in a whole lot fewer words.

“Is Crypto Bullshit?” asked Will Wilkinson, before spending $2,000 on crypto pokémons to arrive at the wrong answer. Seventeen and a half thousand people tried to find out if crypto is bullshit by buying into ConstitutionDAO, a decentralized autonomous organization that turned out to be neither decentralized, nor autonomous, nor organized. They failed to buy a rare printed copy of the Constitution, and now Jason Koebler and Jordan Pearson report that “Everyone Very Mad, Confused, Losing Lots of Money, Fighting, Crying, Etc.”

This means that about half of all people who donated to ConstitutionDAO are now going to either lose basically everything they put in to Ethereum network fees or will have to become a supporter of an organization that tried to buy the Constitution, failed, and now essentially has no purpose.

I thought the best outcome here would be if the DAO won the auction and became the dog that caught the car but I was wrong, this is much funnier. And NYC mayor-elect Eric Adams asked former Mighty Ducks child actor turned sweaty crypto-humper Brock Pierce whether crypto was bullshit, then they both turned to admire the view from Pierce’s G4 en route to Puerto Rico and laughed corruptly.

Elizabeth Holmes is still testifying in the Theranos fraud case. On Friday, Liz Lopatto addressed the question of The Voice:

For what it’s worth, the most obnoxious part of The Voice Discourse is that most of these writers have no musical training. She is not and could never have been “baritone,” as Inc wrote — she’s not even a tenor! — and the idea that she’d go up “several octaves” when she speaks normally, as John Carreyrou writes in Bad Blood, suggests a “real” pitch higher than the speaking voice of Kristen Chenoweth. That is nonsense.

The Fast and the Frightening. New conspiracy theory chart dropped, with “Iran Contra” now in the same section as “UFOs.” Issuing a correction regarding Ollie North: you do not, under any circumstances, "gotta hand it to him." Clubhouse is flatlining, report Kali Hays and Melia Russell. “NASA prepares to deflect asteroid for first time in planetary defence test.” What could go wrong. Gizmodo is “Making the Facebook Papers Public” in the forlorn hope someone will care about them. America’s dumbest Congressman Louie Gohmert is running for Texas Attorney General, a position he definitely thinks is part of the military. Everyone loves the story about Keanu, Sandra Bullock, and the truffles and everyone is right. In Ol’ Knifey, a Chicken Fried, and in the Daily Poster, a “Mayor Pete” roasted.

Today’s Song: The White Stripes, “Hotel Yorba”

~ All they got inside is NFTs ~

Happy George Jetson conception weekend to all who celebrate. If you enjoy Tabs, please buy an NFT: an aNnual subscription For only Thirty-five dollars. All gas fees are waived, but to ape in you’ll need to exchange your jpeg receipts for fiat.

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