2023 (Meggie's Version)

May we all adopt a miniature Highland cow.

Holy shit! I get to write the newsletter on the day of the 1989 album (re-)release! If (somehow???) you don’t know why this is an important day, you’re about to find out. 

Named after her birth year, 1989 (Taylor’s Version) is one of several albums Taylor Swift has re-recorded and re-released to assure that money goes into her pocket, not Scooter Braun’s (puke). The album is arguably her most popular, featuring breakout singles like Shake it Off, Style, and Blank Space, and it’s the one that elevated her to the rare status of artist who is good at every genre of music.

Everyone’s excited! Brands are excited: Wendy’s is giving out free fries. Stans are excited: Rumors of a double album are circulating. Interns are excited: I have a vinyl on preorder. Throw open your windows and listen to cars bumping Welcome to New York all day, sweaty

1989 was originally released on October 27th, 2014, so today is its ninth anniversary, which is almost as important as another anniversary that happened this week. Wicked the Musical celebrated its twentieth with a milky bath tub photo of Adele Dazeem and Kristin Chenoweth, the woman my mom was compared to once and will not shut up about. Sapphics everywhere may not have Gaylor but we do have this. 

Photo from directly above of two white clawfoot tubs side by side. In the left one, a blonde Kristin Chenoweth reclines in fluffy pink water, accessorized with a tiara and wand. On the right, Idina Menzel lies in green water next to a broomstick and pointy hat. They are both frankly too gorgeous to describe.

Martin Scorsese joined the Letterboxd app yesterday so he can follow my account and see how many times I watch Over the Hedge in a year. First, he has to fix the ratings on his movie King of Comedy but after that I know exactly what he’ll be thinking. “Boy, that Meggie cannot stop watching Over the Hedge,” Scorsese will write of the film, giving it four stars out of five in an attempt to catch my attention. It’ll work—cutting through his 130,000 followers like a laser straight into my soul—and I will arrive foaming at the mouth for the early bird special at whatever local diner he desires. 

Add me to that Companion List of yours, baby. Emphasis on the Companion <3 

Mia quote-tweeted a video of Scorsese guessing the meaning of Gen Z slang, adding “I'd ride but slowly so he doesn't go into cardiac arrest”

In Halloween-related news, don’t forget SAG-AFTRA suggests that striking actors should dress like Scooby Doo villains instead of movie characters from struck work. So if you’re looking to go as Ken and Barbie but want to show your solidarity, think of something else! If you want to be Jason Momoa’s Aquaman: ew, why? I desperately want to find a way to tie this to Kylie Jenner ripping off Betsy Johnson with her new Khy fashion brand, but it’s not working. You get it though, right? You get it. Same energy.

The point is, it’s the Friday before you get absolutely wasted half naked at some silent disco1 so I am here to remind you about ethics. Morals, on the other hand: go nuts. Don’t be a scab, and you can do whatever you want. Blood moon ritual? Grave digging? It’s Halloween! It’s legal.

The old “sandy beach with two sets of footprints” visual cliché

A horrifying social media trend of Israeli citizens belittling and making fun of Palestinian pain appears to have started October 21st when makeup artist Eve Cohan posted a Tiktok equating those affected by Israeli airstrikes in Gaza to a performance piece. Since then, adults devoid of human empathy (and sometimes their families!) have donned hijabs and smeared ketchup “blood” on their faces for likes and shares. People supporting Palestine publicly have lost their jobs but I guess having to take your TikTok private after you mocked innocent people’s deaths is hard, too.

If we could just get one influential person to support a ceasefire, maybe tides would turn! Where you at, Bernie Sanders? Though I don’t have much faith in any other U.S. government official. Especially Biden, who questioned the Palestinian death toll, which is already more than seven thousand people.

Guess all we can do is keep calling, emailing, and hacking into our college papers to denounce our university. Also protest big corporations! You don’t have to get McDonald’s today when Wendy’s is practically a mom & pop business (Taylor & Dave Thomas, RIP), and has free fries. (See: above). 

Taylor Swift (left) and Wendy’s french fries (right)

Today’s Song: is Worms off Ashnikko’s latest album Weedkiller because it’s very climate conscious in a sexy gay girl way:

The world is burning, I got worms in my brains

Gonna bleach my eyebrows, change my name

The world is burning and I laugh at the blaze

Gonna bleach my eyebrows, change my name

Okay maybe not climate conscious like “boo hoo the world is dying” but climate conscious like “me and the Earth are both smoking hot.”

Come on. You can’t TELL me it’s not a banger. 

Ahhh! I feel like I’m running out of space but there’s so much I want to say! Adopt a miniature Highland Cow. Get a Caesar Salad wrap. Start that Ginger Shot wellness routine. Follow me on social media. Did I do it? Did I cover every newspaper beat in my last run? 

Two adorable miniature Highland cows with word balloons. One (labeled “me”) says “wow. that yeehaw meg is one cool cat,” and the other (labeled “you (the reader)”) says “I know. I follow them online”

That’s it for me I guess! Unless Rusty wants to extend me another month in which case, everybody chant “Meggie! Meggie! Meggie” in the comment section. Is there a comment section to this? I don’t really understand Substack. But I do understand the art of negotiating. ;) 

Two adorable miniature Highland cows with word balloons. One (labeled “me”) says “wow. that yeehaw meg is one cool cat,” and the other (labeled “rusty”) says “I know. I extended their internship until November” (ED: I did not)

Wow, I feel like the biggest thing Meggie learned this month is that when they have the newslettering mic they can simply write words in my mouth. I have already promised November’s internship to another, but Meg your time should be free for Marty! It’s for the best.

This month has been delightful, reader reviews for Meggie’s work have been uniformly rave, and I’m sure no one else cares but for me the fact that Meggie has hit every single deadline spot-on is huge. Truly, 90% of the work is just showing up. (Anyone who has ever tried to edit me freelance please don’t read that.) I also want to note that Meggie is the first intern in Tabs history who nailed the extremely tight word limit so well that I actually said they could write a bit longer if they wanted. Previous interns are agog right now, I promise you.

Next week will be an inter-Intern gap week, and then November’s Intern will join us on the 6th. Thanks again to Ruth Ann Harnisch, the Mysterious Benefactor of our October and November Interns, for making it possible, and thank you for reading.

P.S.: After proofreading, Meggie asked me whether Dave Thomas was an ex of Taylor’s that she hadn’t heard of.

P.P.S. (Meggie’s Version):

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