Hello, Dali

Hegel remarks somewhere that all great world-historic container ship whoopsies appear, so to speak, twice. He forgot to add: the first time as farce, the second time as tragedy. As always, the best source when you want to know what is going on with shipping is What is Going on With Shipping? and the WIGOWS guy has already broken down the Key bridge accident for us moment by moment:

Also as always, the worst source when you want to know what is going on with anything is blue-check Twitter, where posters were quick to blame the bridge collapse on diversity, Black Lives Matter, and a hypothetical all-trans bridge maintenance crew (which would honestly be so cool if it were real). Also common are well-meaning but still deeply incorrect speculations that this was somehow a bridge engineering failure. No bridge on earth is engineered to survive a one hundred thousand ton ship plowing into it at eight knots. But offline, as Rob Meyer points out, “when you look closely at a disaster, you usually see normal, decent people doing the best they can to save lives.” Six bridge workers are currently still missing, and one more is in serious condition in the hospital, but it’s remarkable that they managed to close the bridge to traffic in the bare minutes before the collision.

It appears that Ronna McDaniel’s NBC contract did not survive its collision with NBC staff. Miles Klee survived watching Kevin Spacey’s would-be comeback film in an empty theatre, but Spacey’s career did not. And electric carmaker Fisker (not the scissors company) did not survive Marques Brownlee calling it “the worst car I’ve ever reviewed.” Fisker was delisted by the New York Stock Exchange yesterday.

Today in Records

Scotland’s Jasmin Paris is the first woman ever to finish the Barkley Marathons, in a year with an unheard-of five finishers. Birdwatching drama from Kari Paul in The Guardian as two people both claim a record ten thousandth species peeped on the very same day. And Sam Biddle reports in The Intercept that Elon Musk was for releasing Twitter user records to the government (for money) before he was against it (in court).

Women’s History Month is almost over

So before nobody cares again, here’s some Fun Facts About Women from Molly Garcia.

@burner_phone69

Fun facts about woman! #womenshistorymonth #womenempowerment

Various animal prints, ranked by horniness. An AI Family Guy livestream with the prompt: “Cleveland lists the top 50 bacterial infections. After every infection Brian says “*”. Repeat 30 times.” You won’t enjoy this at all. You will enjoy Jaya Saxena telling everyone to stop “decanting” their groceries into clear plastic containers. We’re not Kardashians, knock it off. Flaco the owl died riddled with rat poison and “a severe pigeon virus.” In response, Mayor Adams added $187 million to the police budget. And I think the USFWS went too hard on this week’s fish:

He’s trying his best ok!!! And his name is Kevin.

Finally: Offline Man is not the hero we deserve, but the hero we need.

Today’s Song: Sully, “Memories”

I’m finishing this post in my car today so Music Intern Sam gets to post his bleep and bloops because I simply don’t have the wherewithal to prevent it.